Zombie Blues
by Balloon Animal
Summary: When Murdoc finds an unorthodox inamorata the rest of the band are unsure how to handle it. But when it seems as though the situation is set to stay, a certain singer is feeling uncomfortable with Murdoc's shift of attention. Slash! MurdocX2D
1. Chapter 1

Haha, hello. My first fanfiction ever, so the first chapter isn't very long I know. I also have no idea of my level of writing ability so If you would like to clue me in that would be great! I intend for this story to be a Romance between Murdoc and 2D and I know that alot of people aren't into that so I'm just warning you now. Cool cool?

Actually, for a whileI was totally baffled on how to actually submita story until I figured out that I had to agree to the terms and conditions. Shucks! The people who run are diabolical.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gorillaz. In fact, I don't own much at all, except for my internal organs which I'm sure would fetch a few bucks on the black market... Anyway onwards to the story!

* * *

**Zombie Blues**

Darkness was falling quickly around Kong studios as three band members enjoyed their meals in comfortable silence within the Kong kitchen.

Russel, Noodle and 2D had settled themselves to eating the ramen that Noodle had prepared when they were disturbed by a loud and rather unexpected entrance by their green skinned and malodorous bass player. In a disheveled and shirtless state he lumbered into the kitchen and cast a half lidded gaze over his band mates. He absentmindedly scratched his crotch, burped and headed towards the fridge. This scenario was not unusual for the three seated band members and they were about to return to their dinner when a short scream emitted from the small guitarist broke across the calm atmosphere.

Standing in the doorway, in a half decomposed and yet well presented manner, was the figure of a woman. Her skin had a blue tinge and her eyes bulged and twitched. Her mouth curved in a lopsided grin and her entire body quivered as though the very air around her was freezing.

Noodle had already leaped from her sitting position preparing herself for an attack on the intruder. Russel's mouth was wide open with shock, his spoon dropped with a noisy 'splash' back into his ramen bowl. Murdoc looked expressionless and seemingly unperturbed by the sudden appearance of a zombie in their studio kitchen. 2D however, continued to eat oblivious to the entire situation.

"Hyaaaaaa!"

With lightning speed and catlike agility Noodle launched herself in a midair somersault and prepared to land a fatal high kick to the skull of the offending zombie.

A fist grabbed her collar and jerked her backwards moments before she made contact. She land rather unceremoniously on her backside with a distinct "oof!".

"Murdoc san, why…?"

"I wouldn't do that if I was you"

Murdoc's face had changed to an expression of pure malevolence. As soon as he was sure that Noodle wasn't going to make any further attempts to destroy the creature in the doorway his fist uncoiled. Noodle remained on the floor and watched Murdoc walk towards the repulsive stranger in bewilderment.

Russel, who had recovered from initial shock leapt from his seat, grabbed Murdoc by the shoulder and spun him around so that they were standing face to face.

"Murdoc! What da hell is goin' on here huh? Why are you lettin' one of those things jus' walk into our kitchen when we've been fighting them off for months? I could stick a boot up your ass!"

Even as he said it he still kept an eye on the zombie who still had yet to make an advance upon any members in the kitchen. She merely remained standing, shuddering, and her protruding eyes watched the scenario unfold.

Murdoc brushed Russel's hand away, cast the black drummer a sneer and continued to make his way towards the undead woman. Both Noodle's and Russel's jaws dropped as they watched Murdoc casually sling an arm around the shoulder of the zombie as though she were an old girlfriend.

"Sorry bou' the shaky introductions. Didn't realise she woz goin' to follow me." He gave a throaty laugh. "This here" he made a gesture at the woman beside him. "Is Vivian. She's the new lady in my life and I dun wanna hear you sayin' a bad word abou' her, okay?"

Another long stretch of silence followed, only broken by the occasional slurp from 2D who was still completely and utterly unaware of what was going on while he ate his ramen.

Russel's emotions were quickly cycling through anger, confusion and sickness. The disgusting stench of rotting flesh and decaying cat brains was invading his senses. As no one else seemed to be prepared to say anything he felt it was his duty to question Murdoc on this new and insane venture.

"Murdoc, listen…I would normally be thrilled to learn that you was in an actual 'relationship'. But this" He pointed at the blue Zombie with a trembling finger, "Is _not _normal!" Seriously man, it's sick! It's dangerous! What da hell are you thinkin' in that geriatric brain of yours?"

2D had finally become aware that something was going on in the kitchen and looked up from his food.

"Wot's all this? Has Murdoc got a girlfriend or summink?"

Murdoc ignored 2D's interjection and threw a dirty look at Russel

"Vivian is worth ten of any girl I've met yeah."

"She's…. She's not even _alive_ man!"

"Life is completely overrated. Living girls never shuttup for one." Murdoc then proceeded to mimic the women he had met over the years. "Why haven't you called me? Why won't you commit? Do I look fat in this? The alimony is due! I tell you, it isn't worth it. Vivian here never say's a word does she? It's the perfect settup I tell ya... no offence Noodle"

"Well he's got a point there." Said 2D.

"But… But how do ya know if she isn't gonna rip your throat out huh?" Russel spluttered.

Murdoc scratched his nose. "I s'ppose that's a risk you have to take with any girl. Actually happened to me a few times before..."

Noodle watched the conversation in deep thought. She had until now remained silent and now felt that it was time for her to speak.

"Murdoc…" All eyes turned towards her. "If, uh, if this arrangement is making you happy, I do not feel it would be my position to impose personal ethics. I can merely advise my caution and say that it is unwise to pursue a relationship with a member of the undead. I am only saying this as I would be in much regret if, uh, you also became a member of the soulless corpses that roam at night. "

"Point taken and noted Noodle, but I think that Vivian has qualities that surpass anyone I know. She'll really stood out from the crowd. Literally, since I blew the heads straight off the shoulders of the other suckers."

"What do you do wit her? Like, does she live wit you or what?" Russel was still having difficulty coming to terms this peculiar arrangement.

"Vivian," Murdoc gave her small shake and her head rolled to one side "Has decided to share my Winnebago. This of course is a supreme act of generosity on my behalf." He gave another deep throated laugh. "Although she's dead useful, excuse the pun, as she seems to get all the small chores done that I couldn't be half assed to do."

"Wot?" 2D asked raising an eyebrow. "Does she like, do the washin' up n' stuff?"

Murdoc looked at 2D indignantly.

"Well well, looks like the dullard finally figured sumfin out for himself, hrmph."

"You're only wif her coz only a dead person'ed fancy you these days." Retorted 2D, of course he knew this wasn't true at all as Murdoc seemed to have no trouble bringing young women into his Winnebago for nighttime escapades. But it still gave him a small boost if he could occasionally throw a rejoinder back at Murdoc.

He braced himself for the backlash he felt certain to receive. Murdoc's tolerance for any insult against him was minimal at best. But he reserved a special class of contempt for 2D. Sometimes 2D didn't have to say anything at all to feel the full force of bassist's vengeance.

But to everyone's surprise Murdoc merely curled his lip and walked out of the kitchen leaving the freakish zombie to linger in the doorway. The Three remaining band members cast each other nervous glances.

"Well, I guess I have a small apology for, uh, 'Vivian'." Russel began still looking at the festering creature. "It was Murdoc who was causing that smell after all."


	2. The Decision

This is the second chapter of Zombie Blues! I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 2 - The Decision**

A week had passed since Murdoc had introduced his unconventional room mate. Noodle had quickly grown to accept the bassist's decision and didn't question it any further but Russel and 2D still had trouble believing it was possible.

The stout drummer and lanky vocalist both sat at the studio desk surrounded by keyboards and random Kong Studio paraphernalia. The studio provided the two musicians a secluded retreat to discuss the issue of Murdoc and his recent acquisition. 2D absentmindedly pressed a few notes on the keyboard in front of him; he shifted an unlit cigarette around his mouth, his brow furrowed as his mind slowly worked its gears.

Russel sat with his arms crossed; he puffed at a large cigar that sent clouds of grey smoke to billow around him, as though his emotions were physically manifesting themselves to create a thundercloud around his head.

"I just don't get it!" Russel was frowning so much his face almost became apelike in appearance. "Since when has Murdoc ever been the commitment type? He's always been tellin' me how he'd drop dead before he'd let a chick run his life. I tell ya D, somthin' ain't right here."

2D hugged his knees to his chest as he idly swiveled in his chair. He and Russel had been expecting it to last no longer than three days, but as the end of the week rolled around and with no change in sight they were both beginning to worry, not only for the bassists sanity but for their own as well.

"I guess he found himself a loophole," 2D mused. He didn't say nuffin about the girl droppin' before him then now did he? I mean, I love zombies, like in movies n' stuff but I don't _love _zombies. That's a bit weird."

"Yeah, well the best thing we can do is let this thing sort itself out y'know? Most of Murdoc's crazy schemes usually amount to nothin' in the end. Like that time he offered to use Kong to store the nation's industrial waste. I couldn't get the smell out for weeks! I wonder what he did with all of it in the end?"

Half satisfied Russel proceeded to turn his attention to the synthesizer and fiddled with the settings. But 2D wasn't feeling so self assured. There was another issue that had been prickling at the back of his mind and he wasn't sure why it had been bothering him so much. He was cautious to broach the subject as he felt it may mean something a little more personal to him. So he tried to make it sound innocent enough.

"He hasn't really been hittin' me much anymore though…"

"Well at least one good thing has come out of this whole situation."

"Yeah but…" 2D continued tentatively, "He hasn't even _said_ anyfing to me. S'like whenever he walks past me I'm invisible or summink. I dunno Russ, It's like he's a different person now. It's all coz of that stupid Zombie."

Russel paused for a moment and then slowly turned around to face Stuart. He had one eyebrow raised in a curious expression.

"Stu, are… are you _jealous_ of Vivian?"

"No!" 2D shouted a little too forcefully than he intended. He hastily tried to repair the damage. "Nah nah, s'not like that! I was jus' wondrin. Y'know, I fought maybe you had noticed it too? I didn't mean anyfing like that, honest!"

"Okay okay man" Russel said noticing 2D's distress. "Calm down, I was just asking."

Russel turned around again to continue what he was doing; this time however, he had a little more to think about. He rubbed his temple as he felt a headache coming on.

2D was feeling a little flustered. This whole predicament was making him aware of something he had never really considered before. He couldn't stop thinking about that azure corpse. The way her eyes always latched on to 2D whenever he was in the room with her. There was something behind that stare that he didn't like, something that was dancing. It was almost as though she was _mocking _him, ridiculing him with little more than an unblinking gaze. He squinted his eyes and shook his head trying to remove these thoughts from his mind. He mentally berated himself for being silly. Zombies weren't aware…. Were they?

The brooding atmosphere was interrupted by voices wandering in from the adjacent room. Russel and 2D lifted their heads to listen in.

"Hey Poly! Why did Bobby Fischer marry a woman from Prague?"

"Oh darling, I have no idea, why did he?"

"He was looking for a Czech mate. Bah boom tish!"

"Croc, you're a riot and a half."

Russel groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Where did those guys even come from? I never let them in, did you let them in?"

2D shrugged. The unusual presence of the large polar bear and pessimistic crocodile in the studio kitchen never really bothered him. They had shown up one day without explanation and seemed to have taken a permanent residence there. They were fairly harmless anyway. The only problem with them these days was that their jokes were becoming increasingly unbearable. The effeminate polar bear was particularly fond of making crude remarks about the band members.

"I dunno, I fink they're kind of funny."

Russel rolled his eyes before walking across the room to slam the door shut, effectively stopping anymore appallingly bad jokes from infiltrating their area.

* * *

2D sat in the kitchen warming his hands with a mug of coffee. He checked his watch for the seventh time. It was four minutes to three. He anxiously stared at the doorway. He knew that Murdoc never failed to show up for his daily hair of the dog. The singer didn't want to admit it was he was beginning to have withdrawals from Murdoc's notice. He even missed the physical and verbal abuse. What he wouldn't give for one punch to the back of the head! But for the entire week Murdoc hadn't even curled at lip at him and 2D was feeling a little put out from it. 

He grimaced when he heard laughing echoing from the corridor. That could only mean that Murdoc was accompanied by the detestable Vivian. Preparing himself he sat up straight in a defiant manner. He feigned disinterest as the pair entered the room. Murdoc had his arm around the creature's waist and seemed to be in hearty spirits. Another pang of resentment filled the vocalist.

"Aw Vivian luv, y'always know the right thing to say t'cheer me up."

"I fought it couldn't speak?" 2D couldn't help but ask.

With no response from the bassist he tried again.

"Remember when giving me a bittova kickin' used t'cheer you up?"

As usual Murdoc brushed past him to the fridge not even registering his presence, Vivian was left standing a meter from 2D and he used to opportunity to look her up and down. She wore a florally dress that hung around her skeletal frame and her eyes were still wide and vacant, but they seemed to be staring straight at the singer. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable sitting so close to this monstrosity so he moved himself a few seats away. He was shocked to find that her eyes followed him the whole way; they were transfixed like magnets.

"Quit it." He hissed quietly.

When she made no move to turn away he gave her the dirtiest look he could muster, not backing down from what he considered a challenge. They looked at each other until 2D's eyes began to water. He was prepared to go on for as long as it took before Murdoc, with a beer in hand pulled Vivian away by the arm.

"C'mon Viv, don't strain those pretty little eyes looking at the Dullard."

2D panicked, he didn't want Murdoc to leave so soon without even saying anything to him. He scanned his mind trying to think of something to say that would keep the bassist in the room for at least a minute longer.

"Muds! I've killed a person!"

Murdoc turned his head around looking slightly alarmed.

"Wot?"

"Yeah, I uh, I fink the police might be on t'me."

"Really?"

"Yeah… well, no. I didn't actually kill anyone. But If I did they probably would be."

Murdoc gave a loud snort of dismissal, turned on his heel and walked out of the room dragging Vivian behind him. The zombie gave 2D one last penetrating gaze before disappearing behind the doorway. Snapping his fingers and slouching in his chair in defeat the blue haired singer gave a long sigh.

"Bugger it."

* * *

Noodle was sitting on her bed adjusting her headphones before she heard a faint knock at the door. 

"Come in." She said slightly surprised as she wasn't usually approached while she was in her room.

"Hey Noodle" 2D said poking his head in. "I'm not botherin' you or anyfing am I?"

"Not at all 2D san!" She said giving him a warm smile "please come in."

"Fanks heaps." He grinned back and timidly sat down on the bed beside her.

"Actually, I came here because I have a bittova question. And I fought that you were probably the best person to come to abou' it." He wrung his hands together nervously unsure how to phrase his quandary.

"Y'see, I have this friend. Well actually it's a friend of a friend. And they're feelin' a bit funny b'cause someone they know isn't really payin' them any attention anymore. And they fink it might be cause someone else has come along and gotten between em. Ah… I guess I was just wondrin', I mean wondrin' for my friend –"

"2D" Noodle cut past him. "Is this about Murdoc San?"

"No!" 2D yelled for the second time that day. Was he really that transparent?

Noodle rubbed her chin in contemplation. She had seen this coming beforehand. Her perception was above average for a girl her age. And when it came to 2D she felt it would be best to be acute and to the point.

"There is no need to lie 2D san. I understand. Murdoc is a tricky character, I think, uh, that he has found himself a source that has an ability to diffuse his anger. However I do not feel in my heart that this will be a long term arrangement. I would not worry." She paused for a moment and then turned to look the singer in the eye. "And I feel I must also advise you not to interfere, as much as you would like to." She turned her eyes away and looked at the wall. "In fact I myself have had to repress my natural instincts. The desire to eliminate the walking undead is quite strong within me."

2D nodded but didn't feel quite satisfied with this answer.

Noodle sighed noticing the singer's despondency. " 2D, An effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves. Remember that."

2D nodded again. "Fanks Noodle. I guess I'll just wait n' see what happens then."

He gave Noodle a hug and closed her door behind him. He made his way to his bedroom with thoughts swimming of Murdoc and Zombies. When he reached the car park he took his time to walk past the Winnebago. He noticed that there was a strong scent of pine that was lingering around the area. The bago had been unusually quiet the past few days which bothered 2D somewhat. He always felt there was cause for concern when Murdoc wasn't playing hard metal for at least twelve hours a day.

When he reached the door of his room he took one last look at the Winnebago. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw that the door was open and that Vivian standing at the threshold staring at him. There was something menacing in those eyes that made the hairs rise at the back of his neck.

With lightning speed he opened his bedroom door slammed it behind him and locked it. With his back against his door and panting slightly he clenched his fist.

_Sorry Noodle_, he thought to himself. _But I just can't take it any longer._

He thought of those cold staring Zombie eyes and made a vow to himself.

_Vivian, this means war._

* * *

_Dun dun duuuuuuun. :)_


	3. The Scary Bear

Hello again! Thankyou so much for the kind reviews! Especially for a silly little fic like this.They are always very much appreciated. And yes,Vivian is indeed that scary zombie thing that hangs out in Murdoc's Winnebago when you visit his room at Kong studios as pointed out by one perceptive reader. I just think that Kong Studios is filled with so much wonderful stuff that you could write about.

I think my story may be heading into 'very weird' territory. If you don't know who Poly is then I encourage you to visit Kong studios. He's just hilarious! I love him!

* * *

**Zombie Blues Chapter 3**

**The Scary Bear**

"Back back! Gittoff! Arggh! Sunnava….ouch."

Russel's pallid eyes widened as he watched 2D hastily shut the front door. He was in an utterly disheveled state. His shirt was torn almost completely off, his hair was looking as though he had been styled by a blind man with no central nervous system and in one hand he carried a broken baseball bat.

2D and Russel stared at each other for several seconds without exchanging words. Giving a slight cough, the singer ran a hand through his hair and tried to leave to room without being questioned. Russel was having none of this however as he grabbed 2D by the wrist and forced him to sit down in a chair.

"D, what exactly were you doin' out there alone wit those Zombies huh"?

"Nothin'."

"It don't look like _nothin' _to me!"

"I was jus goin' out t'check the mail…"

Russel looked at his watch.

"At 2:35 in the mornin'?"

"Yeeeah…" 2D didn't want to look the drummer in the eye. He knew he wasn't buying it.

"Well hang on a sec" 2D announced pointed a finger at the drummer. "What are _you_ doin' up at two in the monin' anyway? If y'ask me it seems a bit…_suspicious._" He finished in an attempt to steer the conversation away from his own night time escapades.

Russel's eyes narrowed dangerously. 2D shifted uncomfortably in his chair wanting nothing more than to go bad to bed and forget this whole event.

"D, you I know I have trouble sleeping. But do you know what makes it even harder?"

2D shook his head.

"When idiots like you decide to go zombie hunting at two thirty in the fuckin' mornin'!

The singer winced and sank in his chair.

"Seriously man! Keep it down! I've had enough of this. If I catch you at this again I'll make you hurt a lot more than those zombies ever could."

He straightened his posture and rubbed his face with one of his large hands. The dark bags around his eyes were noticeable and a sense of fatigue had settled in the giants bones. Giving one last hard stare at 2D he turned around and made his way to his bedroom.

"A'ight, I'm gonna bed. I think you should to D. And try not to die, okay?"

2D watched Russel slowly leave to the room. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he was finally gone. Silhouettes of corpses moved behind the windows and muffled moaning could still be heard. Stuart examined his baseball bat that had been completely broken in half, save a few splinters that held the two pieces together. He threw it over his shoulder and made his way to the kitchen.

2D wasn't exactly zombie 'hunting' as Russel had put it. Rather he was zombie selecting. With his limited cranial capacity the vocalist had concluded that the best way to dispose of a zombie without appearing culpable of the crime was with another zombie. If he was as lucky as Murdoc was to find a corpse that was amenable to sociability, than perhaps he could use it to do his bidding. Of course he couldn't since he hadn't. And that put a bit of a flaw in 2D's plans.

He felt a bit abashed that Russel had caught him, especially since he was doing such a terrible job. He rubbed his scratches and bruises tentatively. _Who would have though zombies could be so violent? _He mused. _No wonder they don't have any friends. _He removed the remnants of his shirt and threw them in the bin. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was pushing on three am.

With plan A scrapped it looked as though he was back at the drawing board. He knew that if Vivian was found decapitated with her head on his mantelpiece it may look a tad incriminating. He screwed his eyes together trying to desperately formulate a plan. _Think 2D think… If I was me what would I do? _

He threw his arms up in frustration.

"Ahh, it's no use! I dunno what to do."

His temple began to throb, which was a familiar sensation that told him a headache was coming on. He instinctively walked towards the kitchen cabinet and retrieved a small brown bottle before downing three small pills.

He sat back at the table to wait for the drugs to take affect as he once again resumed his brain storming. But all he could think of were those cold staring eyes. _Drat! I really hate her! I can beat her. I mean, how hard could she be to beat? She is dead after all. _

The singer smacked his head on the table. He was feeling quite powerless and worse for wear in the self esteem department. His brain wasn't even capable of outwitting a corpse.

_Maybe_, he thought. _Maybe what I need to do is play the same game._

He slowly raised his head feeling an epiphany coming on.

_Yeah! That's what I need to do! If I feel so funny when Murdoc is with someone else then maybe he'd feel the same about me if I got with someone too._

He felt a rush as he basked in the sheer brilliance of his idea. The only difficulty now was finding someone at such short notice to be his partner. The singer scratched his head as he cycled through the people he knew. Although another Zombie would be ideal, his previous encounter with them signaled the end of that plan. Another problem was that he didn't really know anyone who would be willing to be by his side as often as Vivian was with Murdoc.

Rubbing his forehead at the thought of this new obstacle he wondered why the pills weren't taking effect. He got up and walked back to the cabinet to fetch the pill bottle. Horror struck his heart as soon as he looked at the label. With blackened eyes he carefully read:

_Extra strength laxatives. Recommended adult dosage – 1 pill. _

He then saw his painkillers in a near identical bottle at the back of the cupboard. He stepped backwards with his heart beating twice as fast.

"Why do we even have these!" He cried out.

The singer had to postpone anymore thought to the zombie matter for now as he rushed out of the room. Tonight he had a date with the porcelain express.

* * *

2D was in bed after an exhausting night. He rolled over to look at his bedside clock. It was nearly noon. He closed his eyes prepared himself to sleep for another four hours before he heard a soft knock at his door.

"c'min" He said drowsily.

He heard soft padding footsteps and cracked an eye open to view the visitor. He saw a small female figure at the foot of his bed and immediately jumped ten feet in the air.

"Ahhhrg!"

"Calm down 2D san!" Noodle said in shock, keeping her distance from the deranged singer.

"Oh, oh sorry Noodle. I fought you was that zombie for a sec." Said 2D giving a nervous laugh.

The guitarist didn't join in the laughter as she gave 2D a concerned frown. But she did allow herself to come a little closer.

"That is quite alright." She said as she sidestepped the debris that was strewn over 2D's floor. "I came here as Russel san and I were going to see a movie today. We were wondering if you would be interested to join us. "

Rubbing sleep out of his eye with the back of his hand 2D looked up with mild interest.

"Wot movie are you seein'?"

She paused for a moment before answering.

"The Corpse Bride…"

2D blinked several times before flopping back down in his bed and pulling the covers up.

"Fanks anyway Noodle but I fink I'll pass on this one."

"Okay 2D san. That is fine. Have a good sleep in!"

He pulled the sheets closer around his head as he heard Noodle leave and shut the door. He'd had enough of walking corpses for the time being. All he wanted to do was rest and forget about it for a while. He had begun to doze off again when he felt a gentle nudge at his side. He wriggled feeling annoyed and pulled out a hand to push the offender away.

"Noodle! I fought I told you I didn't want to go."

His hand touched something cold. And slimy.

His eyes snapped open.

"Noodle? Is…is that you?" He asked imploringly.

When there was no answer he felt chills go down his spine.

He turned his head around agonizingly slowly. _Please oh please oh pleeease let it not be…_

There standing in all her grotesque glory was Vivian. Her cold blue lips were turned up slightly in a morbid smirk.

"Aieeeeeek!" 2D rolled backwards and out of his bed, hitting his head quite hard on the side table in the process.

"OW! Ahh, oh god dammit!"

Lying sprawled out on his floor surrounded by bed covers and objects he had taken down with him 2D tried to shake himself out of shock. He tilted his head up and saw that the creature was still there and looking at him as creepily as ever.

He scrambled to his feet grabbing the closest thing in his reach to defend himself, which in this case was a banjo.

"Git back! Git back! I swear, if you come any closer…!"

The Zombie didn't make a movie. Not even a blink. 2D wasn't sure what to do. He was beginning to feel a little silly standing in his underwear and socks brandishing a banjo.

Fortunately he could hear a voice calling in the distance. It was gruff and harsh and coming closer.

The door burst open and Murdoc made his entrance looking around in distaste.

"Vivian luv? Aww there you are! Did the dullard lure you here, you poor thing."

"Poor thing!" 2D cried out in indignance. "It nearly scared me t'death it did!"

Murdoc cast a scowl at 2D.

"Don't mention death around her you Moron. She's very sensitive abou' her condition."

He then looked 2D up and down with a raised eyebrow.

"And I don't think the hillbilly look is really right for you dullard."

They left together with Murdoc uttering words of comfort to the festering monster. 2D stoop agape.

He was seething inside. It was one thing for the zombie to hang around with Murdoc and steal all of his attention in front of him. But to intrude into his personal domain just went too far.

"Right!" He said to himself as he hastily got changed. "I know wot I have to do. But it isn't gonna be pretty."

He shut his bedroom door behind him and made his way to the Kong music studio.

"It isn't gonna be pretty at all."

* * *

When Murdoc entered the kitchen for lunch he had to do a double take. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. He was having deja vu from his LCD days.

"2D, would it be rude of me to ask why there is a bluddy big polar bear sitting next to you?"

2D felt more embarrassed than empowered. He was beginning to think that his idea wasn't quite the stroke of brilliance he thought it would be. There sitting next to him with one big furry white arm wrapped around his shoulders was indeed a frosty white polar bear.

When he visited the studio kitchen to proposition the animal about becoming his pretend partner, the bear was a little over enthusiastic about the idea. And it wasted no time in jumping into the roll.

"Oh Darling" The bear said with a cheeky smile. "Can't you see that we're together now? And I must say that I've found myself quite a catch. Isn't he just adorable?"

He gave 2D a firm shake and the singer found the blood rising to his face from humiliation.

"Uh, yeah. Um, Murdoc this is Poly, Poly, Murdoc."

He hastily introduced each other, deciding to himself that he would end this sham relationship as soon as possible and find someone better, or came up with a better plan. Whichever came first.

"Brainache" Murdoc said looking straight at 2D. "Since when have you been into gay polar bears?"

2D opened his mouth to speak before being cut off by the impetuous artic animal.

"Can't you see that love is blind hon?"

"Oh god" 2D whimpered wishing that the ground would open up and swallow him there and then.

"I always thought you were a fag dullard" Murdoc said looking quite aghast "But this is at the other end of the fuckin' rainbow." He concluded motioning towards the bear.

"Oh be nice." Poly responded with a limp paw flick.

Murdoc shook his head and went to get what he came for. Although he watched the bear out of the corner of his eye to make sure it wouldn't unexpectedly gay bear attack him.

"Well well, isn't he a bit of a grumpy bum. Not much of a looker either. But you never know with a bit of work done he could look like a regular Robby Williams."

2D Snorted and looked at Murdoc's reaction. He could see that the bassist was choosing to ignore the comments but the twitching eye gave everything away. The bassist loaded himself up with beers before kicking the fridge door shut. He seemed like he was in a hurry to leave. So before he had a chance to 2D casually asked:

"Hey Muds, how's Vivian then?"

"She's fine" He growled and left with haste.

"Well someone has their knickers in a twist." Poly commented.

"Well he did say somethin' to me this time at least." 2D said. "And all it took was a fake relationship with a gay polar bear." He finished with a pout.

"Oh darling" Poly said with a sultry voice. "I know what we could do that would cheer you up…"

"No!" cried 2D falling backwards in his chair.

_Curse you Vivian! _He thought.

_You will pay!_

* * *

And that was chapter three! Hooray. And because I love you, you get a free joke. I thought of it today while I was eating lamb shanks.

Brutus came up to Julius Caesar and asked him, "Caesar, what is your favourite rock band?"

Caesar thought for a moment and then replied:

"U2 Brutus."

HAHAHAHAHAHA wasn't that soooo funny?

Oh scew you :P


	4. Panic Room

Hello again! It's time for a magical update! I know I have more important things to do, but I think the best things are produced when you're not supposed to be doing them. Hooray! Anyway, this chapter is inspired by an episode of Absolutely fabulous that I saw. I was thinking about how to give the story a bit more of a twist and I thought this would do quite nicely.

* * *

**Zombie Blues: Chapter 4**

**Panic Room**

2D's plan had backfired more than a potato in an exhaust pipe. Not only did he have a frightening stalker zombie on his tail but now he also had to continually avoid an amorous polar bear who just wouldn't take no for an answer.

He found the best way to do this was to not stay in the same place for too long. He kept moving from room to room in the studio trying to disguise any evidence of him being there. He knew that polar bears were natural hunters with a heightened sense of smell so he tried to bathe as often as possible. This was becoming increasingly hard to do as poly was cottoning on. Sometimes surprising 2D in the bathroom before the singer was sent shrieking naked down the hall.

The blue haired man hadn't slept in days. He tried changing the locks to his room but Poly and Vivian still managed to find a way in. The bags around his eyes were darker than the depths of night. And he had now developed a nervous twitch, flinching at the slightest noise or movement. Russel and Noodle were concerned but could do little for 2D's plight. Despite 2D's begging Russel brazenly refused his pleas to let him share his bed.

He was now slumped on the couch in the television room. His eyes transfixed on the television that was playing nothing but static. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. He needed a refuge. Perhaps he should get away from Kong for a while. But he still has responsibilities as the lead singer of the band that kept him anchored to building. His thoughts wandered to Murdoc once again and he wearily wished that the days were what they used to before any zombie girlfriends came into the picture. Normal. Well… a little more normal at least.

His thoughts were cut short when he heard footsteps approaching. He leapt from the couch and ran to the opposite doorway before he was stopped dead in his tracks. He heard someone coming along the corridor this way as well. He was trapped! His imagination was set loose with horrible scenarios of him being molested by the Poly as the Vivian looked on with an infested smirk of triumph. He needed to find a place to hide and quickly!

His eyes darted around the room in desperation. _Under the couch? No, too small. In the mini fridge? Perhaps not._

He even looked at the window for a few seconds before deciding that throwing himself out the window of a five story building probably wasn't the best solution.

As time was running out he went for his best option. He looked at the bookshelf and decided that if he moved it just enough he could probably squeeze behind it without too much notice. He gripped the sides of it and tugged it as hard as he could.

_Damn! _He thought. _This is heavier than it looks._

The footsteps were becoming louder and 2D knew he only had a few seconds left. Sweat was dripping down his brow and with a superhuman tug he managed to make a slight gap between the wall and the bookshelf. A few books and videos tumbled to the floor in the process but the singer didn't have time replace them. He only hoped they wouldn't be noticed when the intruders entered the room.

Sucking in his gut he squeezed behind the bookshelf. He was thankful for his slender frame and wondered how a guy the size of Russel would have managed in a situation like this. He knew that he had finished in the nick of time because he distinctly heard the door open and someone walking around the couch.

He didn't dare to breath. And there was something poking uncomfortably into his back. But because of his cramped position he couldn't even turn his head to see what it was. His heart was beating so loudly that he worried the intruders would hear it.

There were voices but they were muffled from behind the bookshelf. He leaned forward slightly to see if he could hear any better. There was defiantly some movement going on out there because he could see the flickering shadows of figures against the part of wall that was opposite from where he was hiding.

The voices had stopped now. It was now so silent that 2D wondered if they had left. He didn't dare move from his position though. He crossed his fingers and hoped they hadn't noticed that the bookshelf was disturbed.

He nearly died from a heart attack when a face appeared before him. He screamed louder than he'd ever screamed in his life and tried to scramble away.

"No! Please don't eat me! Arrrgh!"

"What the hell are you on about dullard?" Came an irritated reply

2D who had fallen flat on his backside and had his face covered by his arms stopped momentarily and peeked between them.

"Mu… Muds? Issat you?"

"No." Murdoc said with a caustic tone. "It's the bluddy queen of England. Of course it's me!"

The singer was immensely relieved and tried to calm his beating heart down.

"What in Satan's name are you doing behind here?"

"I wos jus'… y'see I...I..." 2D stuttered. The bassist rolled his eyes and offered the vocalist an outstretched hand.

2D graciously accepted and was pulled to his feet, the offending object that was once pressing into his back now brushed his side.

"Wot the hell issat?" The singer said out loud to himself.

Murdoc raised an eyebrow as 2D used his hand to feel around behind the bookshelf. The shadow it cast made it difficult to see anything behind it. The singers' eyes widened when he realized what it was.

"Hey Muds! It's a handle! There's a door behind here!"

"Outta the way brainache" The basissist muttered pushing 2D aside. He then reached his arm out as 2D had done and felt around.

"Son of a bitch! There _is_ a door behind here! Help me move this thing will ya?"

2D found it considerably easier to move the shelf with another person. The men used their strength to heave it aside and have a closer inspection of the mystery door.

What they found was a large steel door that seemed to be reinforced to the wall. The large steel bolts and the shiny metallic surface gave it an ominous appearance.

"Oooh!" 2D said in awe. "What do ya think is behind it Muds?"

"Money and lot's of it if I'm lucky."

"But eh" 2D said scratching his head. "You've already got lot'sa money. Why d'you need anymore?"

Murdoc turned to 2D and spoke him as a parent would to their child. "The thing you need to understand, space face, is that money is like sex. You can never have enough."

Satisfied that he had made his point clear the bassist turned to the door and gave the handle a jiggle. 2D craned his neck to see if Murdoc was making any progress. But by the frown on the musicians face he could tell he wasn't having any success.

"Fuckers jammed." He grunted and then attempted to budge the door by throwing his shoulder against it.

"Oof!" As he threw his weight against the door he let out a string of profanities. But the door didn't even buckle.

"Hey Muds. Could I have go?" Asked 2D hopefully.

"Shaddup."

"I fink maybe if we took turns or sumfin..."

Murdoc was becoming more irate and heaving against the door with all his might.

"Get lost, I can do this."

"Pleeease?"

With a final kick to the door he bassist threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Fine! Here you go _Hercules_. I'm sure you're little chicken arms will do a _much _better job!"

Murdoc stepped back and crossed his arms. His mismatched eyes watched the singer with contempt. 2D stepped up to the door and cracked his knuckles. He let his eyes wander over the steel barrier like a chess master contemplating his next move. His hand gripped the door handle and with a swift the pull the door opened as easily as though it was greased with butter.

"Hey Muds! Look! You were s'pposed t'pull it, not push! Um Muds… you awright?"

He didn't think he had ever seen the bassist so livid. His face was red with rage and he had balled his hands into fists.

"Just get in!" He spat out and gave the singer a shove into the blackened room.

"S'abit a dark. Is there a lightswitch or anyfin'?"

The two men felt their hands along the sides of the room searching for a switch. They were a cold and metallic as the door had been.

"Ah ha! I found it." Murdoc said with a note of victory to his voice and within a few seconds florescent lights flickered on above them. 2D blinked as he allowed his eyes to adjust the brightness.

It wasn't quite as exciting as they had both been expecting. The room was rectangular in appearance with a cement floor. There were no windows but one side of the room had shelves of tins and basic supplies such as bottled water. At the far end of the room were a set of television screens. They were black and unmoving. The whole place looked as though it could use a good dust.

"Well this is a bit weird" said 2D walking up to the shelves to examine the contents. "What kind've a place is this anyway?"

Murdoc walked over to the television screens and brushed some dust over the controls.

"I think," he said looking over his shoulder at 2D "That this, Dullard, is a panic room."

"Wot's that?" 2D asked rubbing his nose.

"Haven't you ever seen the film Panic Room? I think it has Jodie whatsername innit."

"Nah." Replied 2D

"Nah me either." Admitted Murdoc. "I've always been planning to though."

Before they could continue their speculation any further a familiar voice had wandered in. 2D spun around in horror. There standing in the middle of the lounge room was Poly. Dressed in nothing more than a leather g-string and cap. He had a devious grin that chilled the singer to his core.

"Oh there you are sweetie. I've been looking everywhere for you. I really think we should have a bit of a chat about where our relationship is going. I'm feeling a bit neglected in the physical department." He then stretched his arms out and walked toward the stupefied singer.

2D Shook himself out of his frozen state and leapt to make a dash for the door. The bear was closing in and fast. The creature was at the threshold when 2D slammed the large metal door shut. He heard clicking noises that indicated that the door had locked itself and pounding could be heard on the other side of the door. Breathing heavily he stepped back. He turned to face Murdoc but in a blur the bassist had him pinned against the door. 2D wondered for a moment if the Murdoc was going to finish was Poly had started. But one look at the Satanists face told 2D that he was in an uncontrollable fury.

"You absolute moron! Do you know what you just did?"

All 2D could do was shake his head.

Murdoc grabbed the singers shoulders and spun him around so that he was facing the door. With one bony green finger he pointed to what looked like a digital clock with bright red numbers at the side of the door.

"What do you think that is?"

2D peered a little closer. It looked as though the numbers were counting down. The seconds were whizzing away even as they spoke.

"Oh no! Oh no no no! We're gonna die an it'sall my fault! I'm sorry Muds! I didn't know, honest!"

Tears started welling in his eyes and Murdoc's expression quickly changed from anger to confusion.

"What _are_ you on about?"

"Well… it's a bomb innit? We're gonna be blown t'bits."

Murdoc smacked his face and groaned. "You have got to be the stupidest person I have ever known. You know that? I've seen retarded monkeys smarter than you."

2D gave a loud sniffle not quite understanding what Murdoc was saying.

"That" Murdoc said pointing once more "is a time lock. The numbers are counting down to when we can open the door again numb nuts." He leaned in for a closer inspection. "And by the looks of it, we're going to be stuck in here together for…three days. God I hate you."

He looked up at 2D, the anger once again returning to his face. But all the singer could do was blink in shock. He hurriedly wiped his tears away with the back of his hand embarrassed by his outburst.

"Y…Y'mean there isn't anyway out?"

The bassist walked over to one of the chairs next to the television screens. He sat down in one and slouched in defeat.

"Fraid not. This place looks more secure than a Mexican prison. And I should know. I didn't escape the clinker just to be trapped in here with a dullard like you!"

2D sat on the ground and looked up at Murdoc. He tried to look unhappy about the situation but was rejoicing inwardly. Now he had three whole days of just him and Murdoc, without any interference from zombies or bears.

_This should be interesting, _he thought.

* * *

Oh, P.S thankyou again for the nice reviews. They are all very very much appreciated! I love you guys. 


	5. The First Day

Hello everyone! I'm terribly sorry for the long period between chapters. It's just that so many thing have been happening including me taking a bar course. You may be able to tell since this chapter contains excessive alcohol consumption. So consider this a Christmas present from me :) .AlsoI got myself into university next year. That should keep my busy for a few years until I become a bum again. Ahh, life is good.

Also thankyou Aishiexcel for mentioning my fic in your story. I'm very flattered that anyone would make a reference to it.

Ahh, and this story also contain adult themes... Should I change the rating to M? Aaaaanyway. On to the story!

* * *

**Zombie Blues chapter 5**

**The First Day**

2D was feelingly a little uncomfortable sitting on the stone floor of the enclosed room. But he didn't want to move or say anything before Murdoc had made a move of his own. The bassist sat on the swivel chair near the blank monitors with an unreadable expression. His eyes seemed to stare into nothingness and 2D could swear he could hear the gears grinding in his satanic mind.

2D shifted slightly to help the circulation to his legs but before he had moved an inch Murdoc had spun around and painfully jabbed a finger in his chest.

"I wouldn't move if I was you."

"Why not?" Frowned 2D tenderly rubbing the spot that Murdoc had just prodded.

The bassist straightened his posture so that he was full height. His figure loomed menacingly over the sunken 2D.

"If you don't talk or move or blink or breathe then maybe, just maybe, I won't kill you. S'pretty generous offer of me actually."

2D Paused for a moment to consider it.

"Hey, wait a sec Muds, that's just silly it is. D'ya think I'm stupid or summink? ... M'eyes will get all dry."

"If you keep your eyes closed they won't dry out dimwit." Murdoc said in amusement.

"Awright smartypants…" 2D trailed off. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He squeezed them shut and tried to stay as still as he could. When his lungs began to burn he felt as though an eternity had passed. He dared to crack an eye open to look at his watch. _Gobshite, it's only been 62 seconds. _By this time his face was a blue as his hair.

"Alright, alright you bluddy moron, you can breathe for Christ's sake! Honestly. Just when I think you couldn't get any stupider you go and outdo yourself."

"S'no need t'be so mean." Panted 2D as he sprawled himself on the floor. He let his head drop to one side as he properly inspected the room.

"Hey Muds, there's another door over there."

"What? Where?"

"Over there" he pointed "near those shelves."

Murdoc stood up and lumbered over to the door. He ran his fingers over the surface and then with a quick motion of the hand he pushed the door open.

"Ahh, it's just a bluddy bathroom. Well at least I'll have somewhere to escape from you. It's not like I've never spent three days inna' bog before."

"But wot if I need t'use it?"

"Don't care mate." And with that Murdoc promptly shut himself behind the door.

2D was slightly concerned that Murdoc was going to lock himself in a bathroom without food for three days. However the bassist had done things that were far worse, such as the time he had insisted that bleach was perfect for cleaning your insides.

The singer felt that he might as well inspect the room since he had plenty of time. Hoisting himself to his feet and smoothing his hair with one hand he took a few steps towards the shelves. He was unhappy to see that they were mostly basic supplies. There were cans of beans stacked on top of each other while bottles of stagnant water were scattered throughout the other bland ingredients. He was about to sit down again when something caught his eye. His squinted his eyes trying to peer behind the stack of pot noodles. When he began to move them out of the way his eyes grew wide.

"Hey Muds!"

No reply.

"Muds, I fink y'might wanna see this."

Only empty silence came from the bathroom door.

"MURDOC!"

The door burst open and Murdoc hurled himself out in a rage.

"What the fuckin' hell?" He stopped short when his eyes caught on to what 2D had found.

His shocked expression was slowly replaced with a devious smirk. He looked at 2D with a fanged grin and chuckled. "Maybe this wasn't such a bad thing after all."

There, once obscured by cans of beans, were more bottles of alcohol then either 2D or Murdoc had ever seen in their lives. There were beers of every nationality, from Tuborgs to Bass, Guinness to Steinlager. Wines of all colours and flavors stood proudly next to each other, from the red Cabernet Sauvignon to the white fruity Chenin Blancs. But most impressive of all were the spirits and liqueurs. They were in all the colours of the rainbow and glistened as they sat in their spectacular bottles. It reminded 2D of the stained glass windows of the Notre Dame.

Murdoc fell to his knees. What was once a claustrophobic hell hole had been transformed into a veritable paradise.

"Hey Muds! Lookit, they even have glasses. We can have cocktails! And look, there's a fridge over here. I bet it's got ice innit. This is ace!"

"Saint Lucifer! It looks like the guy who stocked this place knew what he was doin'."

The singer saw a Murdoc shaped blur dash past him. The bassist was wasting no time in equipping himself with three bottles of liqueur and a shot glass. 2D raised eye eyebrow in curiosity.

He watched Murdoc carefully layering Baileys, Kahlua and what appeared to be Vodka into a shot glass. "Wot'cha makin'?" He inquired

"This" Murdoc announced raising the glass "Is a blow job" and then proceeded to quickly down it in one swallow.

2D felt himself go slightly red in the cheeks and looked away. "I dun know why they fink they need such silly names."

"Ahh don't be such a pansy. S'half the fun innit. I bet y'know at least one"

2D walked over and picked out two tall and thin bottles. "This one s'pretty simple. An' it should have cream but I dun think there is any. It should be nice'nuff wifout it anyways."

He placed a shot glass on the table and gave a generous dash of Benedictine and Triple Sec into it. They swirled around each other in a miniature vortex and a few drops escaped the glass. He then held it out for Murdoc to see.

"So what d'ya call that then?"

"S'called a 'silent monk'." Grinned 2D

Murdoc snorted as 2D downed the potent liquid. Truth be told, the singer wasn't much of a drinker. He found that the combination of alcohol and painkillers became too much of an intoxicating combination. But 2D decided that if ever there was a time to drink this was it. He wasn't sure that his nerves could handle the prolonged proximity of Murdoc for too much longer without something to ease the tension. Also, there was a bloody load of brilliant grog just screaming to be drunk.

He gave a little shudder as he felt the spirits slide down his throat and warm his belly. By this time the bassist had already drunk three beers and another shot. 2D knew that Murdoc was a heavy drinker but had never quite seen him plow into it like this before. His jaw dropped slightly as he watched in amazement and disgust as the Satanist finished a beer an three seconds flat.

"Slow down Muds, don't firget t'taste it yeah?"

"Shuddup, the sooner I get drunk the sooner I can pass out and quit having to look at your face." He crumpled the can in his fist, threw it over his shoulder and started on another.

2D wrinkled his nose and tried not to look at the bassist who was quite quickly becoming inebriated. He felt he would rather take his time and sample the delights that were on offer. He picked out a bottle of red wine and a nice wine glass and seated himself in the swivel chair that was situated near the television screens. As he popped the cork he pondered over their purpose. His gaze drifted downwards and he noticed a keyboard and several buttons on the side panel that seemed to be connected to the television systems. The large candy red button caught his attention most of all. He looked over his shoulder to make sure Murdoc was still preoccupied and with a moment of hesitation pushed it.

The wall of screens flickered to life, at first each one only showed static but slowly black and white images began to appear. This was enough to make Murdoc pause and watch in interest.

"What have you done this time dullard?"

"I…I didn't do nothin' Muds, honest! I woz jus' curious." Stammered 2D

Taking a break from his drinking Murdoc lurched over towards the monitors and leaned so close that his nose almost touched the screen. He then began to laugh, softly at first but soon it began to grow to such intensity that 2D had to back away slightly.

"Eh Muds? Is everyfing awright?"

Murdoc pulled his attention away from the screen to look at 2D with malicious eyes.

"I think we've hit the jackpot ere' mate. What do y'think we're lookin' at?"

"Well.." 2D began looking closely at the black and white images. "It looks like…like…" His eyes went wide with realization. "Like we're lookin' at the all the rooms in Kong studios!"

"Brilliant deduction Sherlock, your one brain cell must be in overdrive. We can look at every single room in this place and see what's goin' on. I'll finally find out who's been stealin' my bloody change."

"But isn't that an invasion of privacy or sumfin?" 2D said scratching his head.

Murdoc looked at him like he had just said an obscene word.

"Meatbrain, don't talk anymore if y'know what's good f'you."

Obviously 2D didn't know what was good for him because he spoke up almost instantly after when he saw an image on the screen that he took particular interest in.

"Hey, lookit. It's Russ's room! He's in there right now. Wot in blazes is e' doin?"

Murdoc scooted over to have a look.

"Christ almighty! Is he wearing a dress?"

"Doesn't really suit him does it." 2D mused. " Spots aren't very slimming."

They both began to snicker uncontrollably. Murdoc wiped some tears of hysteria away from his eyes and began to fumble around the table.

"Wotcha lookin' for Muds?"

"These places usually have a microphone, I wanna see If I can say somethin' to the fat git. Aha! There's the little bugger."

He tapped on it a few times, fiddled with some of the controls until they heard a high pitched ring that indicated that it was on. The bassist then cleared his throat and leaned towards the microphone.

"Ah hem, Russel. Russel Hobbs…" He said in a deep voice.

They saw Russel jump nearly ten feet in the air. He was looking around his room in confusion. From this angle they could now see that he was also wearing a pair of high heel shoes.

"Who is that?" Came Russel's tinny voice through the speakers.

"This… is God."

2D had to clamp his hands over his mouth to muffle his laughter.

They watched as Russels expression changed from confusion to anger. He was looking around his room trying to find the source of the voice.

"Murdoc, you sunnavabitch, is that you?"

"Nah nah, m'pretty sure I'm God. I just sound a lot like Murdoc. Kinda makes you think…"

2D couldn't contain himself anymore and burst out in howls of laughter.

"Who is that? Murdoc what da hell?"

"Oh, that's just Jesus. And speaking abou' hell, we're pretty sure that's where you are goin' if you keep up the cross dressing. Just thought I'd be a decent bloke and give you a bit of warnin' savvy?"

Because of the poor quality of the picture and Russel's dark complexion, 2D wasn't entirely sure if Russel was embarrassed. But he certainly looked angry enough. The singer nudged Murdoc with his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"Oh, yeah, and Jesus says lay off the chocolates. That dress does nothing for your figure. Nice shoes though."

It seemed as though Russel had finally located the camera in his room because with one large fist later the image on the screen turned to static.

"Christ, if I didn't know any better I'd think old Russ here was a bigger fag than you."

"Aww, that's not nice Muds. And that's a bit rich comin' from a guy who wears women's panties."

"They're called manties! They're specifically designed for men y'bleedin moron. It's absolutely different!"

"Awright awright. Sorry Muds, don't get your knickers in a twist." 2D giggled.

"Now then." Said Murdoc hastily changing the subject. "Let's see what Noodle is up to. She'll probably be borin' since she dresses like a girl everyday."

They scanned the screens looking for Noodle's room but couldn't seem to find it.

"That bitch!" Murdoc shouted slamming his fist on the table. "She knew there were cameras the whole bloody time. She could have bothered to tell us. For all we know they could have been planted by psychotic fans and broadcasted on the internet."

"Nah." Disagreed 2D. "I bet she thought we put em there, for a joke or sumfin."

"I'm not a pervert like you dullard."

"Hey!" 2D said feeling quite insulted. "You're a dirty old man."

Murdoc was just about to land a punch on the blue haired pianist when 2D ducked at the last moment. His eye caught movement happening in his own room and he bent down to take a closer look.

"Bloody hell. That awful thing is in m'room again! It gives me the jibblies it does."

"Aww, that's not nice a nice thing t'say about Russel."

"No, I mean that Zombie is in me room again."

"Vivian?"

Murdoc shoved 2D out of the way and took hold of the microphone. He changed the settings so that his voice would be heard in 2D's room.

"Vivian! Vivian sweetheart! It's me! Murdoc! Don't panic, everything's alright doll!"

It seemed to 2D that Vivian wouldn't even notice if the studio was being bombed. She just stood in the centre of his room motionless. Murdoc's desperate words were unnoticed.

"Uh, Muds. I dun think she can hear you."

"Of course she can hear me you dimwit. Take another look."

2D looked again, he waited for two minutes until Vivian gave the very slightest of blinks.

"See! Oh darling, I'm afraid I won't be back for a while. Stay strong!"

The singer felt sick. A familiar feeling of jealousy was filling his chest again. He gave Murdoc the dirtiest look he could muster but the bassist was oblivious. He stood face against the monitor, tenderly touching the picture of the festering zombie. Since 2D didn't really know how to properly manage his feelings he did the next best thing. He grabbed the bottle of wine and began to drink.

* * *

Two bottles of wine and five shots later 2D was holding onto the floor. Murdoc had gotten himself into a similar situation but had preferred to slump himself against the wall badly singing renditions of old Madonna songs. 

Since the alcohol in his system had pretty much removed any inhibitions 2D decided to broach the subject that had been plaguing him ever since the introduction of Vivian. He lifted his head and watched the walls spin around him as though he were on a carousel.

"Heeeeeeey. Muurdoc. Why you wif that Zombie anyways? I mean, she can't be half as good a shag as a livin' person can she? 'hic'."

Murdoc lifted his head off his chest. His eyes were glassy with intoxication. But he was still conscious enough to raise an eyebrow at the plastered singer.

"Hmm. You'd be supp suurr su… surprised."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Like how?"

"Well…" Murdoc closed his eyes and smiled. "She makes the most increeeedible moanin' soundssss."

"Urrg" 2D rolled onto his stomach and covered his ears with his hands. "I can't heaaar you. La la la laaaa."

"Christ! You asked. Urgh. S'better than a bloomin' polar bear." Said Murdoc heavily slurring his words.

2D got onto his hand and knees and started crawling towards Murdoc. He raised himself until his was resting on his shins and they were looking at each other eye to eye.

"I've got a seecret."

"Hmm?"

"I only got wif that bear soo so I uhh… t'make you jealousss." He then began to laugh as though it were his own personal joke.

"Hmm, figures…" Murdoc was unperturbed by this revelation. "Hey, dullard. I've got a secret too."

2D looked up expectantly. "Yeah Muds?"

Murdoc leaned over to the singer until his lips were next to his ear. 2D shivered.

"I sold ya shoes on eBay." He then began to laugh hysterically.

2D pulled away looking horrified. "You mean my white ones? You… you _bastard_! I really liked those."

"Heh heh. Yeah. I also sold y'ruddy little pot too. Got a pruh, pretty good price onnit too."

"My granny gave me that pot…" 2D said despondently.

"You'll get over it mate."

2D sat back trying to digest this information.

"Also, uh, I don't know how much more drinkin' you should be doin'."

"Why?" 2D sniffed.

"Let's just say that livers can fetch a pretty good price…"

2D looked at Murdoc dumbfounded. The bassist tilted his head as he gazed at the black eyed singer.

"Hey, I might have sumthin' that would cheer y'up."

2D looked up just in time to be caught in a fiery embrace with the Satanist. Their lips met and tongues coiled. Even in his intoxicated state 2D couldn't help but feel elated. He moved forward to press his body against the other man and shuddered slightly as he felt a long tongue brush against the gums of his missing teeth. It was as though a dam inside his soul had broken and a torrent of emotion and realization was spreading through his body. This lasted for several minutes until they both surfaced for air.

Murdoc looked at 2D with half lidded eyes before slumping unconscious to the ground. 2D leaned over him and gave the bassist a little shake in disappointment.

"Hey Muds… Murdoc? Y'awake?"

Murdoc was out like a light. 2D sighed and lay down beside the still body.

"Night Muds."

2D was quick to follow into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Did you know that manties are real items of clothing?Just do a goodle search for them for a Christmas present for your father, brother or boyfriend. XD 


	6. Another Day of Pain

Hello, I'm back again with another update. And happy new year everyone! I've made a new years resolution to make my chapters longer. This one doesn't count since I started writing it in 2005. :-P

* * *

**Zombie Blues Chapter 6**

**Another day of Pain**

2D woke up with a splitting headache. It was as though the hands of God were pressing down upon his skull, squeezing until it cracked like an egg. And Murdoc's jet engine snoring wasn't helping either. His body was so dehydrated that if he lost a drop more he'd disintegrate into a pile of dust, and the florescent ceiling lights seemed to burn brighter than magnesium to the vocalist's coal black eyes.

He rolled over and covered his eyes with one arm while he used he free hand to feel his way to the bathroom. He immediately regretted moving because now the sickening nausea that had been lying dormant in the pit of his stomach had been unleashed.

"Uuuurgg….never…drinking…again!"

Every clink of glass against glass was magnified tenfold as 2D crawled though the debris that had accumulated from the previous night of uncontrolled drinking. He began to wonder if death was a better alternative as he reached the toilet and let loose a tsunami of retching. It took a few minutes to compose himself before he felt ready to vomit again.

He leaned over the porcelain breathing deeply. The singer couldn't remember the last time he had ever drank that much. His memories of last night were cloudy but for some strange reason he was sure that he had said something totally stupid that he would be regretting later on. He could only hope that Murdoc was as hung over as he was and the activities of the night before were lost to time.

As he kneeled hunched over the toilet he felt a nudge on his shoulder. He turned his head enough to see that a freshly awoken Murdoc was standing beside him holding out a bottle of water. He accepted it thankfully and sighed in relief as he felt the cool liquid fill his empty stomach. The singer didn't really want to talk because he thought any activity might exacerbate his already delicate state. He winced as Murdoc began to speak, the bassist was either oblivious or simply didn't care that 2D feeling like living death right now.

"I've met nuns who can hold their liquor better than you." He grinned with pointed yellow teeth. Murdoc was looking no better or worse than he usually did which might have cheesed 2D off if he had had the energy to be angry.

"Murdoc." 2D breathed in a barely audible whisper. "Could'ya please talk a bit softa. M'head really hurts."

"Sorry, wozzat? Couldn't quite hear ya mate" Murdoc cupped his ear with his hand and raised his voice. At this point 2D was nearly in tears.

"Pleeease Muds." He looked up at the bassist pleadingly. Murdoc rolled his eyes and stepped away.

"Alright y'sodding pansy. And t'think I was nice enough t'make you breakfast."

He held out two opened cans sloshing the viscous liquid around for 2D to see.

"Which one would y'like, the beans or the tinned spaghetti?"

2D promptly turned his head around to heave what was left of his organs into the toilet.

* * *

By noon 2D was feeling a little better. He was no longer spewing like ipecac was in fashion and his painkillers helped numb the pain, but he still wasn't in any condition to run a marathon. He lay in the corner of the room covered in blankets. He found the best thing to do was to keep as still as possible. His mind wandered in and out of a hazy sleep filled with dreams of floating zombie heads and synthesized music. Murdoc was sitting up chain smoking as he flipped though the various out of date magazines. He was currently looking at an article about how the Government was planning on bringing down the Soviet Union; he tossed it over his shoulder and groaned in boredom. 

"Don't do anything soon dullard. I might be overwhelmed by the excitement."

2D looked over at him groggily. He wiped some sleep from his eyes as he noticed the cigarette in the Satanists hand. The smoke wafted over and reminded the singer how long it had been since his last one. He reached his hand around to feel his back pocket but was dismayed to find that he hadn't brought any with him. So his eyes turned back to the Satanist as he licked his dry lips hungrily.

"Hey Muds" he croaked.

The bassist's mismatched eyes looked at him in suspicion.

"D'ya think I could maybe have a cig?" He used one of his long fingers to point to the cigarette in Murdoc's hand.

"Let me think, hmm, ummm, hmmmm, no."

The singers face fell, his body was telling him that no wasn't an option. Oh the curses of addiction! He needed a cigarette and he needed one NOW!

"Aw c'mon Muds. I forgot mine, just this once? Please?" He didn't want to beg but desperation was already overwhelming him. Murdoc, happy to see that he had something to hold over 2D took a long drag and puffed smoke rings so that they drifted past the singers head.

"Ahhh, lovely. Probably the best I've ever had. No really!"

2D's mouth hung wide open as he watched lustily while Murdoc took extra care in smoking. He fumbled around until he found his packet of painkillers and waved them at the Satanist.

"I'll trade ya!"

Murdoc folded his arms and looked down his nose at the singers offer.

"It's gonna take a lot more than those to dull the pain in the arse that you are."

2D was a loss. He had no idea what it would take to get Murdoc to give him a cigarette so he slumped his shoulders and looked at the bassist miserably. The older man noticed what a hopeless situation 2D had gotten himself into and cracked a grin as an evil idea entered his mind.

"That's a nice shirt you're wearing" he said as he idly flicked some ash away.

"Wot?" 2D looked down at his shirt. It was pink with a long sleeved undershirt beneath it, hardly something that Murdoc would wear. He looked up at the bassist and raised an eyebrow.

"I'll tell ya what" He took another drag and slowly exhaled, never losing eye contact with the singer. "I'll give you a cig if you give that to me, deal?"

It took a moment for 2D to register the Satanists bizarre request and he looked back down at his clothes.

"So all I have t'do is give you my shirt and you'll give me a fag?"

Murdoc picked a cigarette out of his packet and twirled it between his fingers tauntingly, so despite his uncertainly 2D pulled his shirt over his head and handed it to the bassist. True to his word, Murdoc handed the cigarette over to 2D's frantic fingers and with a flick of his lighter lit the tobacco filled tube of paper.

The singer sucked on it like it was the very air he breathed and immediately felt calmer. It was only until a few minutes later that all his senses came back to him and he began to really wonder why Murdoc would ask for his shirt. The room certainly felt a lot cooler now that he merely had his white undershirt to cover his chest.

"So um, wot if I need another one?" He asked when he had smoked the cigarette down to the filter.

Murdoc gave a deep laugh that truly terrified the vocalist. "Every time I give you a fag you can give me another piece of your clothing, sounds fair to me."

2D's eyes widened. He studied the Satanist's face to see if he was actually being serious. The wicked glint in Murdoc's eye was answer enough. With a sigh the singer looked down to determine what he was prepared to part with.

"And y'call me a pervert."

* * *

By three PM 2D was feeling almost back to normal, his head had cleared and the queasy feeling in his stomach had subsided. He was, however, missing his white undershirt as well as his shoes and socks. To cure their boredom they had started to play a game of chess under Murdoc's suggestion, and to nobody's surprise 2D was losing pitifully. 

"Hey Muds, are y'sure you're supposed to get two free turns every time y'take one of me pawns?" 2D scratched his head not quite remembering that particular rule.

"Hey, hey! I didn't make the rules mate." Murdoc's sly grin didn't persuade 2D, but he felt it would just be easier for both of them if he didn't question it.

With a flamboyant flick of the wrist Murdoc bowled 2D's king over with his three queens. "Checkmate! Wanna play again?"

"Nah, I fink that'll be enough f'me, fanks anyway."

Murdoc grabbed a packet of cards and began to shuffle them, "We could play strip poker?"

2D looked down of what remained of his clothing and decided he didn't like his odds. "Hmm, how bout old maid?"

"Ah, who cares?" Said Murdoc, tossing the cards so that they scattered across the floor, "this is bluddy boring. I s'ppose we could get wasted again." He looked at the bottles of alcohol that remained.

2D's stomach lurched at the suggestion. He didn't think he'd be drinking again for a long, long time. He turned on the chair he was sitting on so that he faced the monitors and placed his head on his hand as he stared blankly at them. "Nah, not again f'me. I dun like bein' sick off my face."

"I don't see why you shouldn't," said Murdoc resting his hands behind his head. "You're a load more interestin' when you're drunk."

2D felt a sudden jolt of fear run though his system. What exactly did happen last night? His fear must have been visibly noticeable because Murdoc began to chuckle.

"Wot? Don't remember? Would you like some remindin'?"

"Um, no fanks…"said 2D as he felt the heat rising to his face. Truth be told, he was morbidly curious to know what did transpire the night before. "I bet we jus' had a laugh and passed out. Stop tryin' t'trick me."

"Now 2D, 2D. When have I ever tricked you?"

The singer looked down at his shirtless state and tilted his head up at the bassist with a glare. "You're pretty mean y'know."

The older man put his hands up in defense, "hey now, I have feelings too yeah?" He accompanied this statement with another one of his trademark smirks,

"Dun make me cross Muds, or I'll…I'll…"

"You'll what? Snog me to death?" Murdoc finished 2D's sentence with an air of smugness.

2D didn't quite know how to respond so they sat in silence for a few moments. The singer could swear he heard a cricket chirp. He wasn't sure if he felt anymore awkward in his life, but it seemed as though Murdoc was more amused by the whole situation than embarrassed.

He finally managed to dredge up some words with a cracked voice "I'd never snog you in a million years." He knew he wasn't hiding his embarrassment well; he also wasn't a very good liar. "Now if you'll excuse me." He got up from his seat, walked over to the pile of blankets promptly dropped down and pulled one over his head.

"Hey mate, wot if I told you I woz just kiddin'?"

2D peeked through a fold in his blankets hopefully. "Are you?"

"No, haw haw!"

2D groaned and pulled the blankets back over his head. His did vaguely remember something happening between him and Murdoc that night, but he had shrugged it off as his imagination running away with him. This confirmation rattled him to his core. He never thought he would be so careless to give away his feelings like that.

"S'all right mate" Murdoc began lighting up another cigarette. "You were sloshed off your nugget. I've done worse things, believe me."

The singer felt slightly comforted by these words and looked up at the bassist meekly. "Hey Muds, I woz gonna ask ya. Why weren't you as sick as I woz this mornin'?"

"Hmm? Well, let's just say I've had a_ lot_ more practice."

"Oh…" 2D sniffed the smoke from Murdoc's cigarette and felt that familiar craving return. But he wasn't going to part with his pants, especially not now. So he arranged the blankets around him so he was comfortable and sat with his legs crossed. He rested a hand on each knee, took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Wot on earth are you doing dullard?"

"Meditatin'."

"Since when do you meditate?"

"I've done it everday, for like, ages" responded 2D. He had found that meditation was an alternative way to sooth his chronic migraines. It was also extremely useful in stressful situations such as this one. So he closed his eyes and let his mind wander into a soft peaceful state of thoughtlessness. He remained like this for about five minutes before he was interrupted by a jolt to his head. He opened an eye to discover that Murdoc had thrown an empty beer can at him."

"Ow, whatcha do that for?" He asked rubbing his temple

"A man has to amuse himself somehow" Shrugged Murdoc showing no remorse.

The vocalist grumbled and returned to his meditation. It wasn't until a few hours later that he opened his eyes again feeling much more refreshed. He looked over to see that Murdoc had gotten himself drunk again. He was passed out snoring loudly while being surrounded by empty bottles and cigarette butts. 2D let out a short puff of relief that he didn't have an irate bass player to contend with for now. He got to his feet and stepped over the motionless body as he made his way over to the television screens.

He pushed some bottles out of the way with his feet so he had room to pull his chair out. As he sat down he became aware of movement on the cameras. His eyes flicked back and forth across the screens to take in all the rooms. Noodle and Russel were sitting in the kitchen eating dinner together, no doubt discussing the whereabouts of their two missing band members. A faint smile crept across 2Ds face as he wished he was sitting with them right now. They really were family to him, he looked at the comatose Murdoc and wondered where he exactly fitted if he was considered family, perhaps a drunken uncle? His thoughts were interrupted when he saw movement in his room again, as he looked closer he saw something strange happening with the air vent. It looked like something small was trying to crawl through. He squinted trying to make out what it was. It was defiantly black; he shuddered hoping that he didn't have a rat problem on his hands. He wasn't _that _messy.

He let out a short "Oh" of understanding when the mysterious creature finally squeezed through the air vent. In a ruffle of feathers it began to hop around his bed opening and closing it's beak. "Cortez?" He said recognizing Murdoc's pet raven. He was utterly at a loss as to explain why it would come into his room. Usually the bird wouldn't hesitate to peck his eyes out, and it never left Murdoc's Winnebago, except on occasions when it brought back dead rotting animal carcasses.

He watched the bird flutter about his room for a few minutes before it flew over to the door. He looked on amazed as the bird began to jiggle with the lock of the door using its sharp talons, finally it managed to get the door open and flew out in a flurry of squawks. 2D sat back not quite believing what he just saw. "So that's how they got in!" He said to himself. Sure enough not long after the bird had left the room he saw Poly wander in, trying to sniff out the missing vocalist. "Blimey! I'm gonna kill that little dirty rat." He said out loud. He also made a mental note to nail his air vents shut. "They're all against me!" He cried out in dismay when he also saw Vivian the zombie wander in after the polar bear with her eyes wide open and jaw slack in a creepy undead kind of way.

He turned away from the screens feeling quite mad. He had a plan forming in his mind, a rare occurrence for the thick brained singer. He watched Murdoc scratch his crotch and roll over in the pile of rubbish that had collected on the floor.

"Enoy your Zombie while you can." Said 2D maliciously "Coz she won't be round f'much longer." He let out an evil laugh, well, as evil as 2D could manage.

Murdoc shook his head half awoken from his stupor "Huh, what? Did you say somthin'?"

"Uh, nah, sorry. Didn't say a fing." Said 2D sheepishly.

"Oh okay then." The bassist put his head back down and resumed snoring loudly.

* * *

BONUS! Since I like you all so very much I'll share with you some random trivia over the origins of my Demon Days album as it's a somewhat interesting story. Early in 2005 I went on a trip to Europe. This trip took me to the Heart of Russia where most of the state is run by organized crime. I did my part for the Russian economy by taking a visit to a secret bootleg cd shop run by the Russian mafia. It was hard to find as the entrance was quite well hidden. It had a big bolted steel door and looked pretty scary. But once you went inside your jaw would drop. There were no windows in this room but there were more cds and dvds than I had ever seen in my life. No kidding! I must have bought about 50 because they were dead cheap. Amongst those albums was my beloved Demon Days cd. I also bought an Emperors new Groove dvd but was unhappy to find out when I got home that it was all dubbed in Russian. Go figure.

So there you go! How many people can say they own a genuine Russian black-market bootleg cd? I actually also had to buy a black-market Discman so I could play it. Those mafia men are a barrel of laughs.


	7. The Last Day, The Dark

It's time for a shiny new chapter. I think I promised it a few days ago but better late than never ay? I'm afraid to say that the next chapter is the conclusion, where loads of interesting stuff happens.

Enjoy!

**

* * *

Zombie Blues Chapter 7**

**The last Day, the Dark**

2D had spent most of the night watching the surveillance cameras of Kong Studios. He watched Russell and Noodle go about their business playing with instruments, talking, and generally scratching their heads as they looked for 2D and Murdoc. He watched the hoards of zombies linger outside pawing at the walls as they searched for ways into the building to terrorize the living inhabitants, but most of all he watched Vivian and Poly. He made mental notes of their patterns and habits. The way they hid in the shadows and always seemed to be lurking around the corner, the way they were forever looking for something… or someone. Strangely, as often as they moved around the building they never seemed to bump into Noodle, Russel or each other. 2D could swear that it was all a secret plot against him. When he looked towards the steel door with the blinking red numbers that were counting down, he was reminded that eventually he'd have to go out there again, and he'd have to face his problems once and for all.

So naturally at about four in the morning the singer was completely and utterly exhausted. He had thrown himself into the blankets without realizing how close he had positioned himself next to the disagreeable bassist. He was the first the wake, feeling a hot breath on the back of his neck and an arm wrapped tightly around his waist. The subdued singer instinctively moved closer to the warm body, his mind trapped in a half conscious haze. It wasn't until the arm started moving south that his brain snapped to attention.

"Err..Muds, you awake?"

There was no answer, but there certainly was movement. A hand began to caress his thigh and move upwards to play with the buttons of his jeans. The vocalist's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he felt a hand cup his backside.

"Okay, um, I fink I'll just be gettin' up now," said 2D. He squirmed and tried to draw himself out of Murdoc's embrace, but as soon as he pulled away he was tugged back into an even tighter hold. The bassist's arms held him in place with a steel grip.

The breathing on his neck was becoming harsher and the hands were becoming bolder in their explorations. 2D couldn't help but sigh a little as a rough hand traced its way up his bare chest. He tried to turn his head to look at Murdoc's face to see if he was awake, but it was impossible to get a good look in this spooning position. He froze when the Satanist began to talk.

"Urrrg, Vivian, y'smell great…"

"Vivian?" 2D murmured frowning. He lifted his arm and sniffed himself self-consciously " I dun smell like a zombie do I?".

There was still no response from the Satanist; he was well and truly out of it. The vocalist was weighing up his options; maybe he should just wait until the man behind him had stopped groping him and carefully slip away. But at the back of his mind he worried what would happen if Murdoc woke up only to discover he had a hand down 2D's pants. The vocalist guaranteed himself that his face would be black and blue for weeks.

It wasn't until the older man had agonizingly bit him on the back of his neck and slid his fingers below the elastic of his underwear that 2D made up his mind. He counted to three and then with mighty heave he made a break for escape. It was as though he was pulling himself out of quicksand, Murdoc just did not want to let go! He scrambled to untangle himself from the smothering arms and used his fingernails to claw at the floor as he dragged his torso out from the constricting limbs.

With an almighty yank 2D finally pulled himself free, although not without damage. He noticed that his pants were torn slightly down the side, which the vocalist considered an incredible feat bearing in mind how thick the denim was. As he moved his arms he felt a jolt of pain run through his nerves. 2D looked over his shoulder and slacked his jaw in shock; there a few inches from his shoulder blade were five angry red scratches at least ten centimeters long each.

"Holy cow Muds!" He said to himself more than to the slumbering man on the floor as he tenderly ran a finger across a particularly deep scratch.

2D created some distance between himself and Murdoc lest he was unwittingly ensnared back into the clutches of the bass player. The pain on his back was bad he thought as he panted softly, but it was nothing compared with the unexpected arousal that had invited itself into his pants.

The singer shifted uncomfortably in the corner as he kept an eye on Murdoc. He was using all his energy to will away the problem that had arisen. It was at this point that Murdoc began to mumble and roll over reaching out an arm to find the body that was once beside him. His brow was furrowed in confusion.

"Vivian…where're ya love?"

2D watched the Satanist fumble aimlessly and couldn't help by reply, "I fink she left ya for Russ. She must've wanted a real man."

"That fat poof?" Responded Murdoc, still in a hazy sleep. He rolled over on his side and nothing else was said.

The singer watched him for a few minutes before he was assured that the bassist wouldn't make anymore unexpected moves. He adjusted his pants and stepped over the rubbish to sit in one of the swivel chairs. He couldn't help but be amazed at how much garbage had accumulated over such a small amount of time. His eyes followed the trail of bottles and litter until it reached the red numbers on the steel door. They had twelve hours remaining. Twelve more hours with Murdoc and twelve more hours until he was out in Kong again. He knew what he needed to do; he had spent most of the night planning it. 2D spun round on his chair and looked up at the screens, particularly at the monitor of Murdoc's Winnebago. There weren't any cameras that showed the inside of the dilapidated machine, but 2D had a fair enough idea of what went on inside anyway. It was probably for the good of the world that there wasn't any footage of the horrors that took place inside that vehicle.

Thankfully the excitement in his body was beginning to wear away. 2D let his eyes close and tilted his head up. He'd do anything for some fresh air right now.

He opened his eyes again when he heard rustling behind him. Murdoc was beginning to stir, running his fingers through his greasy locks. 2D turned his head away not wanting to look at the bassist directly.

"Where am I?" Murdoc said with a raspy voice, his eyes began to focus "Oh right, I'm still in this shit hole with _you_. Fuck"

"Not f'much longer Muds," said 2D quietly. "It's our last day in here."

"Well thank Satan for that!" Murdoc rubbed his eyes groggily and stretched his legs out in from of him pushing rubbish aside in the process. When he looked at 2D he had to do a double take. He pointed a finger at the singers back and asked "Wot happened to you?"

"Oh, er…" 2D turned his back so that it was no longer in Murdoc's line of vision. "I jus' got a bittova itch."

Murdoc narrowed his eyes. "Nothin's that itchy."

"It was pretty itchy" countered 2D not looking the bassist in the eye.

"It looks like you were havin' sex all night." He paused and slowly looked up at the singer with a raised eyebrow "we didn't have sex… did we?"

2D fell off his chair since he hadn't been prepared for this question. As he shakily climbed back up he replied "N-no! M'pretty sure we didn't."

"Hmm, I think you're right" Murdoc looked down at himself , "I still have my clothes on."

He got to his feet and brushed himself off as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. 2D watched him in absolute astonishment; it was as though this was a regular occurrence for the bassist. The singer was willing to bet that it probably was.

"Er, has that ever happened to you b'fore?" 2D asked as curiosity got the better of him.

"Has wot ever happened" Replied Murdoc with a grouchy tone.

"Y'know…not bein' sure if y'shagged someone or not?"

When the bassist looked at 2D the singer averted his eyes quickly. He was reconsidering asking that question so early in the morning when the Satanist was not in the most hospitable of moods. But to his surprised Murdoc merely grinned and chuckled.

"Once or twice… a week."

2D decided not to ask anymore questions.

* * *

"How much longer Muds?"

"6 hours. If that door doesn't open I _will_ kill you. M'not kiddin' either."

Both men were at the end of their tether. The boredom was consuming them like a flesh eating parasite. The screens of Kong studios provided little in the way of entertainment as most of them only showed empty halls with flickering shadows. 2D was dying for a cigarette but was still reluctant to relinquish his jeans. He sat slumped in a chair wringing his hands together as a nervous reflex.

"I'm bored Murdoc."

"Try licking your elbow."

"Wot? Why?"

"It's amaaaazing, trust me." Murdoc said with a coy smile.

2D bent his arm and attempted to give it a quick lick. He stretched his tongue out as far as it would go but couldn't quite manage to touch. This being no deterrent he tried again straining with all his might until he thought he pulled a tongue muscle.

"Er, I dun think it's possible." He mumbled rubbing his jaw.

"Of course it is brain-ache, look." And just to prove the singer wrong Murdoc opened his mouth and let his exceptionally long tongue slither out and touch his elbow with ease. He didn't even need to bend his arm.

Inspired, 2D attempted it once more. It wouldn't be until an hour later that he would decide that it was in fact an impossible task.

"You're a cruel, cruel man Murdoc" The singer said as he leaned against the cement wall. He found that it was cool enough to sooth the scratches on his back.

"Naw, I'm jus' misunderstood." The bassist replied puffing thoughtfully on a cigarette. "Actually no," he said changing his mind. "I am cruel." He gave a throaty laugh and sent a cloud of smoke billowing over to where 2D was sitting.

The scent of the smoke was driving the vocalist to the brink of insanity. He had bitten his nails down to the quick and fidgeted like he was covered in fire ants but nothing could quash the overpowering cravings that were rising up from the very depths of his soul. So finally he broke, a piece of dignity inside him shattered as he began to remove his pants.

Murdoc observed wordlessly but 2D could tell he was inwardly celebrating his victory over the singer. He hung his head in shame as he revealed his kitten printed underwear and folded his jeans in half. Neither man spoke as the pants were exchanged for the cigarette. However the grin plastered on the Satanists face told the entire story.

2D returned to his corner with a cigarette in hand. "This better be th'best cig I've ever had." He said with a pout.

He tried to ignore the demeaning laughter as he pulled his knees to his chest and smoked.

"I'm gonna get a good price for these on eBay." Chuckled Murdoc. "Y'wouldn't believe the amount that people will shell out for your crap."

_Laugh all you want Muds, _2D thought inwardly, _but I'll have the last laugh in the end. You'll see. _These thoughts gave 2D some slight comfort and he smiled as he took a final drag before discarding the cigarette butt on the already grimy floor.

Half an hour later the lights in the room began to flicker. Murdoc, who had been resting his head on the table turned to scrutinize them. He and 2D had enough time to look at each other in alarm before everything went pitch black.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is your fault?" Murdoc growled.

"I didn't do anyfin' I swear!" 2D stammered

He heard some rustling and clicking before Murdoc's face appeared before him, illuminated by the flickering flame of a cigarette lighter. It gave him an unholy appearance that genuinely sent chills down the singer's spine.

"D'you know what's worse than being stuck in a room with you for three days?"

2D shook his head

"Being stuck in a room with you for three days in total fucking darkness!"

The singer shrunk away, not knowing what to do to resolve the situation. He tried his best to reason with the enraged man before him. "The screens're out too, so I guess the power in the building went out. Me reckons it'll come back in a few minutes."

By the looks of his furious expression 2D didn't think Murdoc was convinced.

"Ow, fuck!"

2D saw Murdoc burn his thumb with the lighter before the room was engulfed in darkness again. It was a strange sensation, knowing that the other man was so close to him but not being able to see him. The singer reached out a hand, groping in the blackness before his hand hit an unshaven cheek.

"Dullard, now isn't the time to try and cop a feel."

He pulled his hand back immediately feeling abashed. They waited several more silent minutes before 2D began to feel uncomfortable. He wasn't normally one to suffer from claustrophobia, but the pitch black atmosphere was messing with his senses. He began to feel disoriented, unsure of where up and down was. He hadn't been aware until now how stifling the room actually was.

"Hey, um, Muds. Could ya flick y'lighter on again?"

The bassist grunted in response and some clicking could be heard. It increased in pace before he heard a skittering across the floor, he understood this to be Murdoc's frustration as he threw the lighter across the room.

"Piece of shit's broken."

Panic was beginning to rise in 2D's throat, swallowing hard he tried to get up, but immediately fell flat on his backside as he slipped on a stray bottle.

"Are y'sure?" He asked trembling.

"No, I actually like suffocating darkness. You blithering idiot."

"Oh god Murdoc! Wot if the power never comes back on! We need power f'that door t'open dun we?" He began to breathe faster, it felt like the walls were closing in on him, crushing the vocalist and stealing the air that he breathed.

He was drowning, falling into an inescapable abyss. He waved his arms out, reaching for something to hold onto, his head was swimming from hyperventilation. It wasn't until strong hands grabbed his shoulders and gave the singer a shake and a stinging slap across the face that 2D came back to his senses.

"Calm down face ache! Look, the numbers are still showing on the door. We aren't goin' t'be in here forever."

2D buried his face in Murdoc's chest as he let out an audible sigh of relief. The solid presence of the older man kept him anchored to reality.

"Can I stay like this? I mean, jus' til the lights come back on."

"I s'ppose.." murmured the Satanist reluctantly. "But only cause I don't want you freaking out and smashing bottles or anythin'."

"Fanks Muds." As he rested his head against Murdoc's torso he listened to the comforting rhythm oh his heart beat and the rise and fall of his breath. He closed his eyes and relaxed his muscles. Even though he'd never admit it, 2D knew that Murdoc was just as frightened by the enveloping blackness. They remained in this position for a while before Murdoc shifted his weight and wrapped his arms around the singer drawing him closer.

"M'jus uncomfortable…needed to move a bit."

"Sure, ya were Muds…"

There was no reply but 2D felt the bassist's heart beat a little faster. It was lulling him into a peaceful doze. They only had a few hours left, he reasoned with himself, but in the back of his mind he felt that it would come only too soon.

* * *

"Wake up, it's time!"

"Time f'wot?" 2D asked groggily. It shook his head and opened his eyes but still couldn't see a thing.

"Ahh! I'm blind! Murdoc, wot am I gonna do? Never again shall I see th'beauty of a rainbow, the majesty of a waterfall, the… ouch! " he felt a hand whack him on the back of the head.

"Shuttup, you're not blind y'moron. The lights still haven't come on. But that doesn't matter now since the door is abou' t'open. C'mon."

The promise of escape from this prison woke 2D up immediately. He stretched his arms out feeling around him to steady himself. A few bottles and opened packets brushed his hand as he pushed himself to his feet. The only light in the room were the tiny red numbers on the door in the far corner, though they did nothing to illuminate the room.

The singer used one hand to lean on the wall and the other waved out into the unknown.

"Hey Muds, Where're ya?"

"I'm here," came a voice from the centre of the room, as though it was completely obvious.

"Right." Sighed 2D. He began to make his way to the door cautiously, making sure to push any debris aside with his feet before he made a step forward. Being as careful as he was, 2D was taking his time. He heard an impatient grunt and out of the darkness a calloused hand grabbed his and yanked him forward.

"Christ dullard, I'd like to leave today if possible!"

He was dragged by the arm as Murdoc plowed forward towards the door as random items crunched beneath his feet. 2D, who wasn't as lucky to have shoes, was finding the experience somewhat painful.

And then they were there, standing at the accursed door that had locked them together in this room for so long, the barrier that would soon open and give them glorious freedom. 2D watched the numbers roll away until there were only ten more seconds to go.

"S'kind of like new years isn't it? Maybe we should count down or sumfin?" 2D mused.

"Oh _exactly_ like new years." Responded Murdoc sarcastically. "Why don't we count down the seconds that you have left to live?"

2D closed his mouth and decided not to say anything else. His heart was in his throat when the timer reached zero and a muffled 'click' could be heard from within the steel door.

He placed both hands on the door handle and with high hopes he gave it a swift tug. Nothing happened.

"Er, Murdoc…"

"What're you waitin' for? Open the door!"

"It's… It's not openin'"

"What!"

2D was pushed out of the way as the agitated man began to hysterically jiggle the handle and slam his body against the door.

"No no no no no nooooo! Fuck shit on a stick!" Murdoc almost sobbed as he pounded his fists on the door."

Then finally the door budged, albeit only an inch. A tantalizing crack of light was revealed to the men, and a wash of fresh air floated up to greet them.

"Some fucker moved the bookshelf back!" Murdoc cried in dismay.

"Well I reckon if we pushed hard'nuff we could prolly get it out of th'way."

There was enough light now to highlight the insane glint in Murdoc's eyes. 2D was in awe.

"Let's blow this joint."

Russel was sitting on the couch with a book in hand. His white eyes gazed out the window as he watched the billowing clouds rolling in the twilight. He huffed looking at the light bulb on the roof. The power was out again. It happened occasionally when there was a large storm. A bolt of lighting broke across the sky and a few seconds later a deep rumbling was heard. It rattled the pane of the window.

He placed his book on the side table beside the lounge. The studio had certainly been a lot quieter since Murdoc and 2D had disappeared without explanation. He frowned when he remembered their voices coming mysteriously from the ceiling of his room. So he wasn't too worried about their absence. He stretched his arms out and appreciated the silence granted when there weren't two idiots there to annoy him.

That was until he heard a strange thumping echoing in the room. He paused and turned his head looking for the source.

He strained his ear, but there were no other sounds so he turned back around shrugging it off as another rumble of thunder.

Then the thumping started again, louder than before. He raised an eyebrow looking around the room once more. He scratched his bald head, truly perplexed by this odd pounding. It sounded like someone was stuck in the wall trying to punch their way out.

He hoisted himself to his feet and ambled over to where he decided the sound was coming from.

"_Bang bang bang"_

He looked at the bookshelf; several hardbacks had dislodged themselves due to the vibrations. The drummer was debating with himself whether or not to move the large piece of furniture. He didn't know if he wanted to find out what exactly was lurking behind it. The thumping was now thunderous.

"_BANG BANG BANG"_

He had just enough time to step out of the way before the bookshelf toppled over with a loud crash, scattering books and magazines across the room in the process. Like Pandora's Box, a door that had been hiding behind the shelves now swung open. Releasing it's evils upon the unsuspecting.

Russel's jaw dropped as he saw two familiar men roll out. 2D laid spread eagled on the floor in nothing but his underwear while Murdoc crouched over him blinking his eyes as they adjusted to the light.

The bassist readjusted his clothes while still sitting on top of the vocalist. He turned his head when he finally noticed Russel staring at him in shell shock.

"What're you lookin' at you fat fag?"

He then clumsily got to his feet as he pushed 2D away with the heel of his boot. The bassist squinted at the room around him before picking up a bottle of alcohol that had skittered out of the room with them and made a graceless exit out the doorway.

2D had recovered from his spill and was now also getting to his feet. He gave the drummer a shrug.

"Sorry bou' the mess Russ, but I fink I need t'have a shower now."

He patted Russel on the shoulder as he passed him by and made his way out the opposite doorway. The large man noticed the large scratches down the singers back.

The drummer pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And people wonder why I have issues."

* * *

Okay, how many of you tried to lick your elbow? C'mon, show of hands people! I know I did, even while I was writing it. XD


	8. A Key for all Occasions

I would like to thank everyone for the awesome reviews. I would have never gotten off my ass to write this without them. Nothing motivates me more than guilt.

And I think I may have confused some readers by saying last time that the next chapter was the last. I meant to say that the chapter after that one would be the last one, meaning that this chapter is the final chapter. If you catch my drift…I've just confused myself.

I'd also like to write another story, but I'm currently in the process of moving to University so I'm unsure how much time I'll have to write. But we'll see. You all might get lucky since I have another idea for a Gorillaz fanfic brewing in my brain.

Finally I would like to dedicate this chapter to my good friend John, who I will never listen to his radio show even though he keeps dedicating songs to me. But he'll never read this story so I figure we're about even.

Anyways I give you the last chapter of Zombie Blues! Enjoy!

* * *

**Zombie blues chapter 8**

**A key for all occasions**

2D stood on his chair with his chin rested on his chest, he held a net with a loose grip as his eyes threatened to snap shut. He had been waiting for almost fifteen minutes now, which in the singer's opinion seemed like an eternity considering how short his attention span was. His legs were beginning to ache and he desperately wanted to take a break, but he knew that the moment he stepped down from that chair he would miss his opportunity.

He was now wishing that he had brought his iPod to give him a bit of entertainment while he waited in ambush, but so brilliant had he though his idea that he failed to plan ahead without any further consideration.

Then there was movement.

At first there was only sound, a faint tinkering that grew louder as they approached. The clangs of talons against metal echoed through the vent. 2D slowly lifted his net waiting for the creature to make its appearance. He strained his ear to hear how close it was. It shouldn't be too much further; he knew what the little bastard was up to now.

A beak appeared between the vent bars, 2D pressed his body against the wall lest the bird notice him and scramble away. The beak opened and closed, almost as though it were tasting the air for danger. Satisfied, it pulled its beak back and then proceeded to wriggle its way through the vent a feather at a time.

'_Not until it's all the way through' _Thought 2D. He didn't want to mess up now, not when he was so close.

The raven was making its way out backwards, and in a bizarre way somehow reminded 2D of birth (although this was hardly comparable to the miracle of life).

And then it was out with a flap of wings, for a split second its beady eyes connected with 2D's. A few moments of bewilderment passed between them until the electric bond was broken when 2D brought the net that was raised over his head down. It was at the instant when to had to lean forward on his tip toes to catch the feathered rat that he regretted his choice of support. .

The chair slipped out from beneath his feet and he was sent tumbling to the ground. He tried to cushion the fall with his knees but the hard cement floor of his bedroom was not forgiving, even with the layer of brown carpet.

"Ahh!" He screamed, certain that he had broken both his kneecaps and that he'd never walk again. His eyes were squeezed shut in pain as a single tear trickled down his cheek.

He rolled to his side panting, he remembered the he was still holding the net and had enough sense to crack an eye open to inspect his prize. It was a miracle upon a miracle when 2D realized the he had actually achieved what he set out to do. There in a state of semi-shock was Cortez with wings hunched and legs pointed up to the ceiling. A few feathers stuck out of the net holes. 2D made a sound that was halfway between a groan and laughter.

"Gotcha y'little bugger… m'knees really hurt."

He used his hand the close the top of the net so the intruder wouldn't escape while he recovered from his hard fall. He allowed himself a few minutes for the agony in his legs to fade away. He gave them a stretch when he decided that they probably weren't broken. He would, however, be expecting some impressive bruises to appear there soon.

He lifted himself to his feet and hobbled to his bed, so far his plan was running smoothly. Now he'd find out if the chicken was willing to cooperate with his demands. He raised the net so he was looking straight into the birds eyes. It blinked at him and gave him a look as if to say "What do you want dullard?" Murdoc had it well trained.

"Awright, I know wot you're up to yeah, and I dun like it one bit. Y'see m'not as stupid as everyone finks I am." He tapped the side of his head to emphasize his point.

Cortez blinked at him again.

"Shuttup!"

He gave the net a minor shake to remind the fowl that he had the upper hand here. It gave a sharp squawk and ruffled its oily black wings. 2D narrowed his eyes and puffed himself out. He wouldn't let a bird get the better of him.

"I haven't bin able t'sleep for a week coz of you!"

It cocked its head and looked at 2D pitilessly.

"An' I dun know if Murdoc put you up to this or not, but I fink its downright rotten."

At the mention of Murdoc's name the glossy raven dipped its head and gave the singer a gaze that seemed all too familiar to 2D. It was a mournful stare that softened the vocalist.

"Y'miss him too dun you…"

The beady black eyes answered him, they misted over with a certain sadness that 2D could identify with himself. So, against his better judgment 2D placed the net on his bed and allowed the creature to hop out and stretch its wings. The singer reached out a tentative hand and to his surprise the bird allowed him to stroke its night black feathers.

"I know how y'feel. He hasn't been payin' that much attention t'either of us. M'sure Vivian is real happy bou' it though."

2D had to cover is ears when the Raven let out a shrill squawk, it seemed as though the singer wasn't the only one who had an issue with the undead woman.

"Awright…" 2D said scratching his chin in thought. "Awright I'll cut you a deal yeah?"

Cortez lifted its head curiously.

"I reckon I know how t'get rid of her. But I fink I'll prolly need y'help."

The bird hopped closer and tilted its head to peer at the tall man.

"Murdoc has bin lockin' the bago ever since it was nicked. But I know y'can get in and out. If y'can get me th'key I promise I'll sort everyfing out, awright?"

The bird gave a soft 'caw' and appeared to be at an understanding. If 2D wasn't aware of how intelligent the fowl was he might have felt a bit silly negotiating with a raven.

But now things were going to change, 2D was a pacifist at heart and usually avoided any confrontation. But there were times for everything and the singer was on his last straw.

It was action time.

* * *

2D crouched behind a rusty motorcycle; he was waiting rather impatiently for Murdoc to leave his rundown domain. The Winnebago was still eerily quite, apart from the occasional clank and stream of curse words it was a silent as death. 

He wouldn't have to be doing this, thought 2D as he felt his legs start to numb, if Vivian had been frequenting the studio as often as she had. But for some peculiar reason he had seen neither hide nor hair of her. It was almost like she knew what he was up to and remained hidden away in the Winnebago. He vowed that he'd wring Cortez's neck if he'd blabbed.

He held the key in a tight grip with his fist like it was his lifeline, and in a way it was. He opened his hand gave it a closer inspection. It was a dull gold with a horned skull at the top. It was probably the most demonic key 2D had ever seen in his life. He nervously twirled it between his fingers; he decided that if the bassist didn't emerge in ten minutes he'd knock on the door and discuss their issues like civil men.

Fortunately the singer was spared from diplomacy because the rusted Winnebago door had burst open. Murdoc emerged from the bowels of his vehicle looking as disheveled as he usually did.

2D he ducked his head down and used his palm to flatten the pointed blue spikes of hair on the top of his head to avoid them showing above the motorcycle. He peered through the wheels of the bike as he watched Murdoc look around the car park. He held his breath when the bassist's gaze drew over his hiding spot, but when the older man turned his heel and walked away it was apparent that he hadn't been discovered.

He looked at his watch; he estimated that he would have 15 minutes before the Satanist returned. It was almost as though Murdoc was a delicate exotic animal who couldn't be away from its natural habitat for too long, although, he mused, the bass player was anything but delicate.

2D allowed himself two minutes just to assure himself that the bass player wouldn't unexpectedly return and foil his plan. He opened the backpack that was beside him and removed a coil of rope which he slung over his shoulder. He also removed a wieldy crowbar and a football helmet not unlike the one that Noodle wore for the DARE video. He wanted to be prepared for anything that he might face inside that machine. Now that he thought about it, he also wished he had brought a gas mask, or at least a hanky to hold over his nose.

Nevertheless time was running out. He moved out from behind the motorcycle keeping his body low to the ground. He considered crawling on his belly before one look at the oily car park floor made him quickly switch tactics. Instead he kept his knees bent and waddled awkwardly towards the Winnebago door. He made sure that his head was kept below the windows to the vehicle.

Eventually he reached the rusted door. 2D wasn't sure when the last time the machine had been cleaned; it was covered in a layer of dirt so thick it obscured the actual colour of the paint beneath it. He couldn't help but stick his finger in the dust and write his name as well as a smiley face. He paused to consider what he was doing for a moment, and then threw in a love heart for good measure.

"Right…" 2D breathed out. His hand began to shake as he lifted the key up towards the keyhole. It took a bit of exertion but he managed to jam it into the rusty hole. With a flick of the wrist he turned the key. He heard a resounding 'snap' but discovered that it wasn't the lock; the door had just fallen off its hinges.

"Oh…Um, I'll fix it later." He decided while he moved it to leave it leaning against the side of the vehicle. He took a deep breath and held the crowbar tight to his chest as he took his first step into the dank domain.

The first thing he noticed was the intense scent of pine. He tried to breathe through his mouth to avoid it but the pungent aroma still managed to waft its way through his throat and up to his sinuses. He coughed and covered his nose with his hand.

He did a double take when he saw the ceiling. Thousands upon thousands of pine scented air fresheners where hanging from the roof in a lazy attempt to mask the natural rotting manure stench of the Winnebago. It wasn't working; in fact both of the sickening smells had combined to form a type of supersmell, one far more repulsive and nauseating than either odor alone could ever be.

He peered cautiously around for any sign of life (or in his case undead women) but didn't see any movement. He rarely ventured farther than the threshold into this cesspool of sin that Murdoc called a Winnebago. It eluded him as to why women practically threw themselves into this machine to be with Murdoc. He was able to appreciate the irony that he was here to throw one out.

Despite the smell and the frightening décor he shuffled further within. His shoulders were hunched and he kept the crowbar close in defense as he peered at the kitchen area. There were no signs of Vivian, which made 2D feel uneasy. He knew she was here, lying in wait for him, ready to eat his skull while his back was turned.

"I wanna go back to bed!" Whined 2D as the last of his bravado left him.

He mentally slapped himself and tried to pull together. This needed to be done, or he'd never rest easy again. Somewhere in here was a festering monster that needed to be dealt with. He swallowed hard and moved towards the darkest deepest foulest most horrible unimaginable place on earth.

Murdoc's bedroom

2D wasn't particularly gifted at the art of warfare. So his brain could only think of a single way to approach his enemy.

He raised the crowbar over his head and ran with full force screaming loudly.

He brought the crowbar down in a flash of movement effectively smashing the back window of the Winnebago so that shards of glass scattered across Murdoc's filthy stained bed. The confederate flag that had hung there was now ripped down the middle and fluttered limply as a breeze wandered in.

There wasn't a zombie in sight.

"Shit…" Murmured 2D as he look at the damage he had caused. He brushed a few stray glass shards off the mattress. "He'll never notice." He convinced himself.

"I guess Vivian isn't here after all." He shrugged and turned around to leave.

He nearly shat himself.

There standing behind him with eyes bulging and mouth tuned upwards in a twisted smile was Vivian. The bathroom door hung open from where she had emerged. She was shuddering more than usual, as though she was excited about something. Time stopped as they looked at each other, liquid terror filled 2D's heart.

And then she opened her mouth revealing two rows of fanged teeth, she raised her hands and lunged towards the petrified man letting out an ear piercing scream.

2D's reflexes kicked in before his mind could keep up. He held out the crowbar in front of him blocking Vivian's first attack. The force of her assault pushed him back onto Murdoc's mattress. Glass pieces pocked into his back but they were the least of his worries. He was caught in a life or death struggle with this creature of hell as she pushed against the crowbar with inhuman strength. She left bloody scratches across his arms and continued to shriek like a banshee.

2D's priority was protecting his throat, which seemed to be the prime target as Vivian loomed over him gnashing her fangs. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold her off, he kicked her in the crotch but she seemed impervious to pain. His arms shook uncontrollably as they relented to Vivian's might. He could feel her hot reeking breath closing in on his neck.

He reached out an arm groping behind him searching for a weapon. His hand found something heavy so he grabbed it and brought it down upon Vivian's head. Murdoc's table lamp shattered against her skull momentarily stunning her. He was able to slip out from beneath her weight and he ran out into the kitchen area panting heavily.

In a flash she was after him, she managed to swipe his side causing 2D to stumble and send plates and glasses that were stacked on the kitchen bench to go crashing to the ground. He dodged to the side as she came after him again and swung the crowbar into the back of her head. It sent her hurting into the wall with a tremendous 'thump'.

"Take that wench!"

She turned her head to look at him with such ferocity burning in her eyes that 2D regretted belittling her. She pounced at him again effectively impaling herself on 2D's crowbar as he held it out before him. A bluish substance oozed from the wound and covered 2D's hands.

"Eww."

They looked into each other's eyes. She blinked several times before opening her mouth again and shrieked at 2D making his ears buzz.

"Could'ya stop doin' that please?"

He swung around causing Vivian to fly off the crowbar and tumble to the ground. 2D used this opportunity to sit on top of her while she was incapacitated. He hastily used the rope that had remarkably remained on his shoulder through the whole ordeal, to tie her hands behind her back. She snarled in protest but 2D ignored it.

Victory! 2D shakily stood up and pressed his foot down on her back as she struggled against her bindings. He loomed over her like a hunter and their freshly caught prey. The smile on his face quickly evaporated however as he looked up and saw the state that the Winnebago was in.

Glass and broken crockery was strewn across the floor. Everything was upturned and for some reason a small fire had broken out in the corner. 2D tugged at his collar in panic, Murdoc would be back at any moment. There was only one thing he could do.

"Awright Viv, s'time you went on a little trip."

He hoisted the growling creature over his shoulder and made a hasty exit out of the Vehicle.

"Checkmate." He chuckled to himself as he made his way to carry out the second half of his plan.

* * *

Noodle was typing on her computer when she heard a tapping at her door. Here senses were telling her that trouble was brewing. Nonetheless she stood up and walked over to open the door. She was greeted with a shocking sight. There, with blood dripping down his arms and shirt torn to shreds was 2D. 

He looked tired but satisfied. He ran his fingers through his hair as though he was stalling so he could think carefully about what he wanted to say.

"Hey er, Noodle. Y'wouldn't happen to still have that Fed-Ex crate that you were delivered in when we were forming the band?"

She could only manage to stare at him.

"Coz, I er, Have sumfin I need t'post."

"2D, is that really a priority?" She took one of his arms and inspected the wounds closely. "What is this?" She looked at the sticky blue substance that covered both his hands.

"Oh, that's nuffin'." He pulled his arm away and looked abashed. Noodle raised an eyebrow at him. She wasn't easily fooled.

"2D san, what did I tell you about meddling?" Her stern expression softened when she saw how ashamed the singer was looking. She sighed and opened her door wider.

"It is in my cupboard. I will give it to you but I shall take no responsibility for what might arise from your plans."

2D nodded his head in understanding. He accepted the crate that she dragged out gratefully.

She watched him close the door as he carried the large box out and shook her head.

"Why do men never listen?"

* * *

2D was sitting on his bed freshly changed and washed when his door was kicked open. He'd be lying if said he hadn't been expecting it. He braced himself for the onslaught that was certain to come. 

Murdoc held the door open with his arm looking angrier than he ever had in his life. The red flush in his face was blooming. His eyes bulged and the throbbing vein in his forehead looked ready to burst. His eyes latched onto 2D, he was almost foaming at the mouth.

"You little fucker!"

"Hi Murdoc.' Replied 2D sheepishly.

"Where is she!" He growled through clenched teeth

"Urm, Noodle is up in her room." Replied 2D shrugging his shoulders

"Don't you fuckin' be cheeky with me." Murdoc strode across the room and balled 2D's shirt in his fist. "You know who I'm talkin' about!"

2D could feel the fury radiate off Murdoc, but for an uncanny reason he felt strangely at ease. He looked at Murdoc without a trace of fear in his eyes.

"Maybe she went on holiday?" He suggested. He saw Murdoc's eye twitch.

"Holiday hmm? You're telling me she went on holiday after she smashed my windows, destroyed my kitchen and pulled the door of its hinges. You fuckin' little wanker!"

"Hey hey!" 2D put his hands up in defense. "Coulda bin anyone who did that! Dun look at me!"

Murdoc narrowed his eyes and pulled 2D up so they were face to face. "Y'see faceache, you were stupid enough t'write your name on the side of my Bago." He bared his fangs.

"I was framed!" 2D contested

"D'you know why I know it was you?" Snarled Murdoc.

2D shook his head.

"B'cause only _you_ would be dumb enough t'spell it wrong!" He lifted 2D up and threw him backwards so that he bounced on the bed. Murdoc advanced on him cracking his knuckles. 2D tried to get up but a rough hand pushed his head back down. He looked up at the bassist and knew he was at the mercy of the livid man.

"Now." He began as he clenched his hands into fists. "Y'better tell me what you did with her b'fore I kill you. I might make it quick if you're lucky."

He knew it would only make Murdoc angrier but 2D couldn't help but let a grin spread across his face.

"You'll never be able t'get her back."

Fire was now burning in Murdoc'c eyes.

"Why?"

"Because" he began to laugh "I sold her on eBay!"

"What!" Murdoc's shocked expression quickly reverted back to anger. He raised a fist and brought it down. It hit the pillow with a "thwump". He looked around and saw that 2D was trying to scramble away so he grabbed the singer by the ankles before he had time to escape and pulled him back onto the bed.

He twisted 2D's arm painfully behind his back making sure that he wasn't about to go anywhere soon. 2D hissed as Murdoc gave his arm and extra twist for luck.

"You little shit. Who did you sell her to? How much did you get for her?"

"I dunno. Aieek!" He cried as Murdoc twisted his arm again. "F'about fifty quid t'some bloke in Japan. He seemed real interested in havin' her. I fink his name woz Mr. Watanabe or sumfin."

"Right." Murdoc closed his eyes deep in thought. "Right, I think I'll rip your hands off first and then I'll strangle you with them."

"No wait!" 2D cried before Murdoc could land the first blow to his face.

To his surprise Murdoc did pause with his fist only inches from 2D's face. He exhaled and looked straight up at the bass player's mismatched eyes.

"N-now listen Mud's. Y'know how you woz sayin' how girls are always complainin' and that's why you got wif that Zombie…"

"Dullard, these have to be the worst last words I've ever heard."

"Nah nah, let me explain." 2D took a deep breath before continuing. "Well, I just fought that you didn't really need t'be be wif that zombie b'cause….b'cause…"

"Yes?" Murdoc growled leaning down closer to 2D.

"B'cause _I'm_ not a girl." And with that 2D leaned up and pressed his lips against Murdoc's.

At first Murdoc's eyes widened with surprise, but 2D clutched on to his shoulders preventing him from pulling away. As they continued their embrace 2D felt Murdoc's tension melt away from his muscles. Their tongues brushed against each other and their hands became bolder in their explorations.

When they pulled away 2D could see a different kind of burning in Murdoc's eyes. He certainly didn't look angry anymore. Something much deeper had replaced that sentiment. They were both breathing faster and the atmosphere had changed into a lusty haze.

Murdoc bend down and was about to kiss 2D again when movement at the far corner of 2D's room caught their attention. They both looked up to see Poly sitting in a yellow chair watching them with a devilish grin.

"Oh don't stop because of me boys. Just pretend like I'm not even here." He finished with a wink.

A minute later Murdoc had stormed out of 2D's room with the singer slung over his shoulder. 2D felt uncomfortable bobbing up and down in time with Murdoc's footsteps. He raised an eyebrow when they passed the Winnebago and headed towards the elevator.

"Hey er, Muds? Where're we goin'?"

"To Russel's room." Came a curt reply.

"Why not the Winnebago?"

"B'cause you fuckin' trashed it."

"Oh yeah." 2D scratched his head slightly abashed. "But um, won't Russ be mad if he finds out?"

Murdoc sniffed loudly. "Who cares?"

"Yeah." Nodded 2D in agreement. "That's a good point."

* * *

Russel had been spending the afternoon trying tolocate the two men who had emerged from a mysterious room in the wall yesterday. He wished he didn't have to. But the band had duties to fulfill, namely attending interviews and performing music. It was their job after all. He ground his large molars together in frustration. He didn't even want to think about what monkey business they were getting themselves into. 

He had finally had enough and headed towards Noodle's room as a last resort. He didn't expect to find Murdoc or 2D there, but Noodle always had some helpful advice to give. It was a refuge for his sanity.

He didn't need to knock more than once for Noodle to know who was at her door. He had enough power in his fists to turn any door to splinters.

"Come in." came a delicate voice.

He pushed the door open and rubbed his tired face. "Hey Noodle, y'wouldn't happen to have seen Murdoc or 2D around would ya? We have an interview with Franz Ferdinand tonight."

She sat on her bed and cocked her head to the side. "I have seen 2D san today and I am quite sure that he and Murdoc are resolving issues right now. Perhaps it would be best if you just waited for them to surface in their own time." She watched Russel glance at his watch nervously. "Do not worry, there is plenty of time."

Russel let out a sigh as though he was bearing the weight of the world. Perhaps Noodle was right. He better just sit this one out and hope that the fools would turn up eventually. He thanked Noodle before leaving her room and headed towards his own.

He couldn't help but wonder what Noodle meant by 'resolving issues'. The first thing that came to his mind was Murdoc beating the snot out of the singer. He growled and hoped he didn't have to personally resolve any issues with the slimy bassist.

He reached the door of his bedroom but paused before he opened it. He distinctly heard scuffling noises from within. There was a voice at the back of his mind that was urging him to run as far away as possible and hide under a rock. He shook his head ignoring his instincts and pushed the door open.

It was dark so he flicked on the light switch.

He immediately regretted it.

"Hey Russ, you're gonna have to wait your turn. And what's up with the mirrors on your ceiling? You kinky bastard."

"Yeah, uh. I don't fink we're quite done yet. So could you nick off?" piped 2D.

Russel shut his door and walked back to Noodles room in a trance.

When Noodle opened her door she was surprised to find that the drummer had come back so soon. And she had never seen a black man look so white. He almost looked ready to pass out.

"Russel San! Are you alright? You look like you have seen a ghost."

"What? Oh, oh, yeah. It's nothin'. Um, I was just wonderin' if I could use your computer?"

"Of course you can, but whatever for?" She peered over his shoulder as he sat down in front of the monitor and opened the site for eBay. "What are you looking for?" She asked perplexed.

He buried his face in his large hands and heaved an almighty sigh.

"I need to buy a new bed."

**The End!**

* * *

I've just realised that 2D gets hurt quite a lot. But I do it all with love. :-) 


End file.
